Sunday afternoon I sat dangling my feet 6 inches above the ground while listening to the guys scrap of football, vacations, and various cities. We were eating lunch and wrapping up the weekends details when suddenly I realized heartache was all around me. On either side were men who had just ended relationships. Year long relationships. Another man of the group was carrying on and on about “his woman”. Of course, she doesn’t exist yet, but the way he would pamper her was illustrated during one long tirade. I had enough and finally said, “I’m either going to kiss you or cry.” A moan spread across the table as I had already told them of my wretched morning.

Earlier that morning I lost it. I sat on my couch and released every ounce of emotion my body held. Blowing my nose and wiping my tears as my shoulders shook. I solemnly swore to never watch Love Actually again. EVER. Unless of course it’s pouring rain and am suffering from the flu. That would be cause to unleash the flood gates. But why did I have such emotion on a day when the sun was shining and the weather was next to perfect? I needed backup and called Soleil,

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
She responded in a way only Soleil can. Her remarks are always insightful, genuine, and sarcastic.
“I don’t know Dude, sometimes you just need to cry.”
“Not like this. Wanna come over and hang out and watch t.v.”

Any sane person would not put themselves in the same room with a crying female. She jabbed back right on cue,

“Uh. No. I’m tired. Think I will just stay right here until we go to dinner tonight. Hey Henry! (Her cat) Awe crud. Let me call you back.”

I picked myself up, blew my nose, and wiped the tears. I had enough emotion for the day but still needed the comfort of friends. I was pretty damn needy. I called Manfred and made plans to meet up for what has become a Sunday ritual.

No need to worry, I didn’t cry again. But it did make me think about both relationships, my previous ones, and an issue bigger than my fear of heights. One friend had been dating the same girl for several years, the other for a year. In the last year(s) or so – they have grown apart. How does that happen? How does a couple go from walking into a room, seeing their partner, and getting that ‘I want to jump their bones feeling’ to nothing? Suddenly they become any random person in a bar. The “Yeah they are cute but,” How does that happen? Do people actually grow apart? If one progresses faster than the other does that mean the relationship is doomed? Or is it simply not being on the same track? How easy it is to mistake temporary for permanent.

Upon meeting someone and finding likeness you share interests, middle ground, and ideally your own interests. What happens between the relationship giddiness and the following years? How do you keep that alive?

My parents have been married for 37 years and all my siblings are married. (Happy almost 10 yr. anniversary Nate and Tara) Not to say it’s been peaches and roses during the course of my folk’s marriage, it’s been real love. Yelling, Screaming, rude and inappropriate remarks but at the end of the day they push each other into being a better person and fulfilling the dreams that are mentioned only after the kids are put to bed. My point is, it’s easy to grow apart and lose what you love about that person. I’ve feared this for as long as I can remember which makes relationships some what easy for me. It’s easy to push someone away and harder to work on it. Through my own insecurities I’ve become pretty darn good at it.

But that’s another day and for another post.

I’ve also just booked a plane ticket for someplace that before Sunday I never thought of going to. But when Manfred said why don’t you go with John and I. Well, getting out of town sounds like pretty fabulous idea. So next weekend I’ll board a plane for the second largest metropolitan area in the world.

Mexico city.