February is on the horizon and will begin at the stroke of midnight. Winter has not been much of a cold threat. It brought the usual bouts of sniffles and tired feelings brought on by short days. Although, I can’t shake the feeling that I am entering a month I can’t trust. It’s unreliable like Houston weather. Sunday was for tank tops paired with flip flops. Tomorrow is for long sleeves and ear muffs. February’s life ping pongs between Sunday and tomorrow revealing disarray and bipolar ways.
I feel particularly vulnerable after having been burned so badly by January when I’d fought my way out of a dark haze, dusted myself off, and snapped back into the depths of routine monotony. Even when I was cheerful inside color seemed dimmer to me than I knew in the back of my head it should be. Will February be as challenging?
My solace is February has slightly fewer days to torture me. I’m distracting myself with work and trading my novels for books about negotiation, business tactics, and leadership exchange. Monday afternoon I was sitting numbly at my desk trying to lose myself in many tasks while pretending I was completely fine. Although I’m capable of keeping up with the hectic work pace, I’ve been fighting my way through the days. My melodrama is a reaction to anxiety, stress, and uncertainty I’ve been living and breathing the last few weeks, probably more like months. My partying has cut down and work outs increased but I can’t shake this feeling of toxin saturation. I’ve been perpetually exhausted and unable to sleep well. There has been too much to worry about, to much to get done, too much entirely out of my control. Around three in the afternoon The Big Man etched a feeling in me of being called into the principal’s office for passing notes during study hall. He wanted to share a moment with me while the Consultant was in his office.
FUCK FUCK FUCITY FUCK
***DO NOT TALK ABOUT WORK ON YOUR BLOG ********
It was good, very good. In an extreme way of jumping off a cliff and hoping you can fly.
Welcome February. Play nice. Okay.
