Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | February 1, 2005

We had a plan!

Last night I spoke to my best friend from high school. We met when we were juniors in high school – I was new and she had lived in South Carolina all her life. We were very idealistic of the changes we were going to make in the world. Not that we are old maids, as we are approaching (gracefully I might add) our late 20’s. Our 10 year high school reunion is this year.

We have changed, as our loved ones have changed. Her mother, the visionary dream of a Baptist Bible Thumper who rapped herself in the Bible Belt and checked it twice to make sure nothing unholy slipped passed her grip – is now Jewish.

I hated computers and am now heavily indebted to them for my daily living and paycheck

She was told she could not bear children and is now the mother of a beautiful boy and getting her Masters degree (so proud of you).

My parents, swore they would never move back up North – they are once again in New Jersey.

Do we actually go through the process of maturation? Through everyday life expriences, do we actually change as people, as we learn to understand the world better? It’s not what happens to you, it’s how you deal with it. That seems to be the only answer,

What made us deal with the events in our lives the way we did? If hindsight is always 20/20 then why did we make the choices we did? Why did I walk away from that relationship? Oh yeah, so he wouldn’t choke me. I wanted to be a vagabond living on pennies and travel the world, why am I a corporate slave? I wanted our relationship to last forever or I wanted nothing to do with him. I wanted a better job, but I love the people I work with. I wanted a better car – but this one looks cooler.. or this one’s not as cool but runs smoother. No matter what, there were things that I thought of as the truth, the way it was. And that was that.
Then something comes along, and it all changes.

Everything that I’m so sure about in my life, in my oh-so-intellectual philosophy and worldview, could change in a second. It could all change in a brief moment. I am reminded of The Never Ending Story when Atayu is given the tiny beam of light to make new wishes, new dreams, and to lay out a new plan for the changed world. The people in it are forever evolving and revolving around one another.

I hear my mothers words ringing in my head, whenever I am faced with change or indifference, she simply says, “ADJUST”


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