Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | March 28, 2005

Have you ever

Have you ever got that sinking feeling. Like you found a whole in the hardwood floor and are stuck between the first and second floor. Shelley Long and Tom Hanks in The Money Pit. You are oh – so – vulnerable and can’t do anything about it. There you are slaving away workin for da man, sitting at your desk with a mountain of work and a list of people to call back. Your phone is ringing, engineers are coming in your office asking questions about your accounts. Stage left your boss walks in looking past everything else and tells you to write a SOF and drive 2 hours to visit a client. 3 minutes later your best friend calls you crying. It’s all to much.

I get to walk away at 5:00 p.m. – Lately it’s been more like 6 or 7:00 which is fine as the end is near. The time where I get back from the gym, grab my book, turn off my phone, and lay on my bed – it’s quiet. There is nothing. Almost done with old Blondie, soon no one. No one there to bother me, no one there calling my name asking me to come and chase the monsters away. No one there yelling because their brother or sister is hitting them. Silence. Alone. Nothing. Yes it’s lonely. But comfortable.

Yesterday after gorging ourselves on wine and Easter dinner we sat at the table discussing the Shivo case, kids birthdays, holidays, kids, kids, and kids. I was the only single one there. The others were family and close personal friends whom discussed times when they had reached the end. The kids were crying, yelling, screaming, they had been acting up for weeks and there was no end in sight. At these times, they look at their children thinking how something with such a wretched temper could come from me. Day dreams of late night clubbing and vacations in Tahiti dance in their mind. Suddenly two of the boys run inside out of breath from playing PIG and give their mom a big hug. All is forgotten as the love spreads throughout the room. Later that night, they pack their belongings, say goodbye and head home together.

So here I sit, in peace and quiet, my own private Idaho – not really. Where is that crazy cat, Joe? Joe – Joe? Hey baby, it’s 11:11 did you make a wish?

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