Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | May 31, 2005

I could be…..BUT I’m not.

It was pitch black when I woke on the goose down mattress pad that was layered on the Jack and the Beanstalk bed.
Grabbing my Blackberry, I text messaged her like we did when we were 10 years old playing with flashlights and walkie-talkies. “You awake?”
“NO” (That’s yes for Dumbass)
I dawned on my clothes and disabled the alarm sneaking out of my parents house like I was 16 again.
The excitement in the air kept me on a toddlers sleep schedule, waking every morning at 5:30 am (4:30 Houston time) I have already missed so much and couldn’t bare sleeping through the short time I had there. As I ran out of the house I coughed and sneezed, the pollen collected in my throat. The thin yellow film coated everything as if it was screaming at me, “You’ve already missed so much!”
He’s counting, She’s Walking, The way She burrows her head in the nook of her Dad’s neck, their infectious laughter and giggles. When I arrive and rap on the door I am barreled over with hugs and coffee.
Sitting on the edge of the steps I notice three photo frames. One of my niece, the other my nephew, the third is in a language I am illiterate to.
“What’s the 3rd?”
“I think you know”
Still a tad slow at 6:00 am. I sat in the silence of bewilderment. She stared at me as if to call me Dumbass again.
“You’re adopting!”
“Yes, from China, we just found out we were approved. It won’t be until next May or June when we can pick our baby up. Do you want to come to China with us?”
Just then, my nephew piped up, as though on cue, “baby sisteh”
“Of course! But, why not from Korea?”
(*** sidenote our kid sister is Korean**)
“Because we already have a girl, Korea has laws in place when a family already has a girl. And when a second child is born to a family in China she becomes government property. They seize her from the family and put her in a crib. The children barely receive crumbs for meals. The government workers call it “summary resolution.””
”I have heard about this, it’s the one child per family law. After the government seizes the new born child if the orphanage is near capacity a physician consult is sought and the child will purposely be misdiagnosed with nonexistent ailments and put into what they call a dying room where they are denied everything but air.”
“Some of the children do wind up in the missionary run orphanages, but the lot of them don’t.”
“Vegetative children”
“Exactly, cruelty at it’s worst”

When discussing the adoption later in the day, our Catholic mother had to suggest, “J-bird perhaps you should adopt too”. This was another way of her saying, my poor spinster daughter I hate you being alone.
She planted the thought and I couldn’t let it go. I want babies some day, but only with the right person. There I said it. I know my Mom is crossing herself saying, “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph – Thank the Lord she finally admitted it!”
I entertained the idea for over 24 hours asking myself if I could go through with it and took stock. Good job (check), family close (check), good health (check), Stable mind (TIME OUT).
I could still do my brunches and runs, that’s what baby sitters are for, right?
Later that day, in the secrecy of the study while everyone was grilling and draining margaritas, I snuck away to do some research and Googled “Chinese adoption.” I was slow and intrigued not noticing the lapse of time, Sissy came back to check on me. I told her what I was contemplating.
“I have been thinking about what Mom said, I could adopt I have always thought I would some day.”
“You’re to young.”
She’s never outright mean or degrading to me so I did not know how to respond. I sat there frozen, we’re to old to fight.
“What I mean is, you have to be 30 and you’ll only be 29 next summer. Besides, guys would be weird about you having a kid, don’t ya think?”
“Yeah, I know your right, it would hinder my dating.”

For now, I will hold on to my brunches and late night rendezvous for a few more years, all the while knowing I more than entertained the idea of adoption and single motherhood. I could always change my name to Mami but I don’t think it suites me. Children should have a mother and a father, sometimes it doesn’t work that way and we’re forced to adapt. I am going to China with my sister and brother-in-law, oh the shopping galore!

At the end of the day, it’s nice to know there are some things in this world I am still to young for.


  1. looks like my email hit its mark.

  2. I never knew that about the second daughter in China. That is so wrong. But it is awesome your sister is adopting.
    At least you know it’s an option if you want to.

  3. I was adopted. It’s a wonderful, wonderful experience growing up knowing you were chosen. I’m sure my parents overdid it but I really did feel like I was a present they selected for themselves!

  4. I think it’s possible, Angelina Jolie isn’t 30 yet, is she?

  5. well, i give you props for even CONSIDERING the idea. when i was single, i could barely kill a cockroach on my own. wait, i still can’t do that…..
    my cousin is adopted from korea. definitely a wonderful thing for your sister to do.

  6. I don’t think you’re ever really ready, I couldn’t kill a cockroach either (but I can call maintenance).
    If and when, I ever do get married I believe couples should have a few years together to enjoy life. Heck, I surprised myself even considering the thought.

    But with all of those needy babies out there…

  7. I did I speech a while back while in college about China’s one child law and I was dumb struck…
    I also feel horrified (at myself) because sometimes its jsut easier not to know what is going on around the world…and how cruel the government and people in general can be.


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