Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | June 3, 2005

I am a horrible person. Mean. Wretched. Cruel.

All morning long something has been bothering me. I havenít been able to put my finger on what it was.
Oh Babey Babey on repeat.

Then it hit me with a big smack across the face.

Iím not that innocent.

I was at a club watching her suck down White Zinfandel refilling her mug right out of the box. Itís hip now according to her, pink is the new red. Sheís so bright.

It was an accident, I swear. My purse was slipping down my arm, as I raised my arm to cajole it back into place I touched her. Oops – a live dummie. Before I could apologize a sting side swiped me ripping my hoop earring out of my ear. Next thing I know I am in a club brawl with Britney Spears. Enjoying every minute of it. Except for the part where I lost my earring. Oh my Gahd! At one point I saw Kevin, Mr.Duh, standing there watching us fight also enjoying it.

Pee Wee Herman ran through the crowd and broke us up. Miss Trash herself, was in a foul mood and began swiping at Pee Wee Hermann, his bow tie swinging in circles. Not sure who was winning Pee Wee vs. Britney. Pay per view idea.

Thatís all I remember Ė slapping Britney for her repetitive trashiness and Pee Weeís bowtie.

Was it a dream or a nightmare?


  1. Had a dream once that I drove my car off an overpass and as I was sinking in the river, I saw Drew Barrymore, and thought, “She’s gonna drown, I better save her.” (AS IF fear for my own life wasn’t inspiration enough) so I scoop her up and swim to the surface. And I wonder – in my dream – if this is a dream or not. When I see pool cue balls floating in the river, I realize that it must be. And I was a little upset about that because I had been thinking that hero had a nice ring to it.

    But never ever have I slapped Britney Spears.

  2. isn’t that weird when you have a dream, and don’t remember it, but you feel like something happened to you? and then it HITS YOU… last night you went flying with ben affleck, clubbing with paris hilton, and snorkeling with mother teresa. crazy times.

  3. That is a great dream! I have crazy dreams like that all the time–I remember them when I wake up–don’t tell anyone–then forget them a half hour later.

  4. Lol Jess you’re horrible… Spears is a FAT pregnant bitch now O.o

    /give a girly squeal
    good for you even if it was jsut a dream


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