Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | June 22, 2005


She who can not keep a secret is keeping a secret; I am about to climb the office walls in true spider man fashion.

Remember that horrible movie Don’t Say A Word with Brittney Murphy? Her tag line was “I’ll neeever tell” She did more than state it, she sang it while shackled. She taunted Michael Douglas’s character with her secret holding it over his head like a mistletoe waiting to explode. “I’ll neeeever tell (la la)”

Meet my office mate Lisa. She’s responsible for this here

All day long we sell stuff to difficult doctors while they interrogate us. The thing about doctors is they can be cocky, arrogant, funny, intelligent, and a barrel of laughs, each one different from the one before. This is just a smidge of what we deal with day in day out
Tuesday 4:30 pm while waiting in a hospital lobby for a meeting my cell phone rings
Me Professional Voice: (insert company name) “This is Jessica”
Cocky Male Voice: “Do you always give strange men your cell phone number?”
Me Professional Voice: “I’m sorry, who am I speaking with?”
Pause … Long dramatic pause
Cocky Male Voice: “Is this a company phone or a personal phone?”
Me Professional Voice: (hesitation) “I use it for both”
Cocky Male Voice: “So, if I call you at 3:00 in the morning you’ll answer?”
Me (relaxing a little) “Yes, I will assume it’s one of my nut job friends.”
Cocky Male Voice: “This is Dr. XXX”
Last night 2:30 am: phone rings I wake from a slumber and reach for my phone, “Hello”
Male Voice: “Jessica, This is Dr. XXX we need to push back our meeting tomorrow an hour, I forgot I have surgery.”

Why that couldn’t wait until 8:00 am I’ll never know. Silly doctor.

Lisa and I share a good size office for our circus clown job, 10 x 15ft. For the past two years our desks have kissed, ledge to ledge. When we’re in the circus ring at the same time we stare at one another over the screens of our laptops all the while working, shopping on line, more work, gossip, and more gossip. When she’s upset, I am the first to notice shut the door, grab the box of tissues and vice versa. We share the whole enchilada of our lives with one another; laugh at each others jokes, and scare off the engineers in circus. She’s usually the first one I talk to Friday mornings about Thursday nights date, I’m the first she talks to after dinner at (insert very expensive restaurant). We’ve shared it all with one another and no one else. Until now
“I’ll never tell”
She probably knows more about me than my mother, sisters, and girlfriends. I know every detail about her and her husband, every nasty thing. We are polar opposites; she’s an avid hunter & I am a vegetarian, she’s a golfer & I like football: think Martina McBride meets Avril Lavigne. The best of friends until two days ago when our very cute coworker walked by, muscle shirt and all, and stopped in our office.
He looked at her and said, “Orrooouumph”
Lisa replied, “ Ommmungh”
Cute Co worker:”Ommunh?”
Lisa, “Ommungh.”
Bewildered I was during their grunt filled conversation.
“What was that about?”
“I can’t tell you?”
“I can’t tell you.”
“She who can’t keep a secret from me can’t tell me?”
“Nope, I can’t tell you.”
For the last two days I have badgered, threatened to hang Barbie’s from her dead animals, and called her incessantly begging to tell me the secret. Yes, am very upset girl.
She who can’t keep a secret. …..I’ll make you tell or put whoopee cushions in your seat and replace all your pens with squirting ones.
Tell me….curiosity is killing this cat.


  1. and you like to share all those nasty details with others – as mentioned more gossip…

  2. please, why are u trying to create drama?

  3. “If you reveal your secrets to the wind you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees.”
    Kahlil Gibran

    Come to work with a suspicious grin and a secret of your own that seems worthy of a trade. Maybe then she’ll open the vault. Unless a couple of martinis is a more effective combination to her lock.

  4. Oooo, this is like a WB series now.

  5. She no update the blog thing, mang. Sup wid dat?

  6. She left her blog updating function in Vegas a few weeks back.

  7. Oh, well of course. Now it makes complete sense. Err … uh … huh?

  8. I’m thinking the martini’s might do the trick

  9. I like a woman that likes a martini. Hell I just like a woman.

  10. But in the director’s cut of “Don’t Say a Word” Britney Murphy did tell!


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