Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | June 23, 2005

Someone from Friendster actually sent me this application after sharing a few witty emails
Friend Application


ONE: The name of this applicant is _Jessica__
TWO: The purpose of this application is to engage in any lawful act or activity; or potential illegal activity, for which Charlie and Jason deem fun and may be organized under the General Friend Laws of Texas. Nowhere within is this a binding legal document unless it benefits Zee and Jason to deem it so.
THREE: The application must be filled out in full. If you find a question offensive, please answer with a reason why. If you don’t know an answer, simply do your best. You are being judged. Blank answers are worse than wrong answers.
FOUR: If accepted as a potential friend, you will be introduced on a trial basis, where full evaluation of friend status will commence at the end of a 30 day period.

1 – Describe what your laugh sounds like:
Loud boisterous rooted in my gut

2 – Your favorite historical figure and why:
Me in a hundred years, you don’t really need a why.

3 – Do you drink, smoke, do drugs, skinny dip, commit felonies, etc….?
Skinny dip, drink like a well oiled machine, Drug Free, no felonies to date

4 – Are you athletic, can you out run a hungry bear? How long would it take you to run a mile?

One athletic girl, check mate. 8:12 min mile, not training for anything but I would drop kick that bear and tie it to the tree before it was able to roar

5 – Religion, go: – don’t ask it’s torturous and rooted in my values and morals

6 – Which is worse, 10 dead babies in 1 trash can, or 1 dead baby in 10 trash cans?
They equal out, it’s just wrong you even asked this question.

7 – Give the location and description of your tattoo:
No tats. Had my navel stabbed I mean pierced twice: once when I was 19 and again when I was 23.
Also had my eyebrow pierced for 3 weeks (more than a little freaky)

8 – I am musically inclined, I sing and or play the following instruments:
Knowing how to turn on and off the stereo and pump up the sub woofer counts, right? Don’t sing. Even my niece tells me, “Aunt Jess – I’ll go to sleep. Just stop singing.”

9. – I prefer to get fast food from:
Mr. Chungs Chinese kitchen or my neighbors fridge

10. – My favorite quote from a movie is:
“Holy Shit it’s the attack of Eddie Monster” Lost Boys
“YippeeKaiYeah Mother F**ker!” Die Hard

11. – If supreme dictator of the world, I would choose to blow up and destroy this country.
On a stressful day, it would be DQ’s private country. Sometimes I wonder what the man is thinking

12 – My thoughts on abortion are:
Pro Adoption and Pro Choice

13 – I have a boat.
No, but I will ride in yours and do my best Pamela Anderson bimbo routine and recite Paris Hilton lines, okay one…the only one.

14 – I have been camping in the last year / I am opposed to camping / I want to go camping.
Big Chill 2005 North Carolina July 14th
3 of my best girlfriends from high school. A stroll down memory lane minus the pot smoking. Counting down the days.

15 – I ski and or snowboard. I am better than Charlie and Jason at snowboarding and or skiing.

Better skier than snowboarder. I bruised my tush last time I attempted snow boarding. Have you ever been on a snow bike? They are a lot more fun than skiing and snowboarding, you’re also more likely to kill yourself or take down a school of fellow skiers on a snow bike

16 – I think vegetarians are:
been one since I was 6 years old, I reiterate, a little more than a freak.

17 – On a scale of 1 – 10 (highest) I consider myself this attractive. My friends consider me…

You really have to ask? I am a 10 – You’ll have to tell me, after all this is a friendship application.

Your turn

Happy Birthday Big Sis and FYI – no matter how many packages of jello you put in a pool, you still can’t walk on water


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