Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | July 5, 2005

Loud Booms

“Hi” she tosses her hand in the air as the glaze of, “I don’t want to be here” crosses her face.
She’s never been so happy to see me and we’ve never needed one another more
Get off the phone – we need to talk.

“I am really emotional today.”
“My girlfriend, D, is being induced tomorrow, we were pregnant at the same time.” It’s been really hard for her to cope on days like today. She walked in and closed the door.
“You won’t laugh at me if I cry?”
“Will I? Not now but later.”
She needs comfort right now. She needs warm rice pudding ….. with raisins and tissues with aloe.

One can’t imagine what it’s like for another to go through this – such hard times and feeling the loss, I’ve felt loss. I’ve lost my childhood dog, I’ve misplaced men, and said goodbye to a few friends but I’ve never had the loss of a baby. A miscarriage leaves a woman in a state of physical and emotional readiness for a baby that isn’t. At the start you idealize and plan all of her outfits. We discussed names rhyming them while thinking of the distortions.
” No, don’t use that one he’ll be teased like I was Messy Jessie or Messyica”
We used the sentenance and future tense, “When the baby is born” and then…….She moves from awkward to uncomfortable like a zombie going through the mornings motions. Her eyes drape shut then pop open as her mind synapses the previous events. She wants to forget and ignore it happened, who can blame her? I’ll hold her hand all day long and grieve with with her trying to cause distractions. Standing on my chair doing headstands now – look at me I’m a dork.
Care taker to comedian.

Let’s laugh –that’s how we deal. It’s to early to cry – my head hurts from shopping w/Ronda Miss “I need a Godiva $6.00 strawberry”, bbq, pool party, and watching the smiley faces in the sky. I want to give her all my smiles, if only I could.
I would.

And to Sarah who said to me, “From your website your life looks like it’s a lot of fun.” Um…have you seen this?


  1. That’s so sad. I’m sorry chancelb.

  2. OMG. I’m so sorry.

  3. thank you sass

  4. There’s people that are in your life that keep you at a distance and one’s you see every day who you know better than the back of your knee. We became friends b/c of what I put at the bottom of my resume under personal.

    one attack psycho cat who manufactures fur.

    The friendship has never stopped growing even though we are as different as night and day. I freaking love ya lady – and will always be here for you. Big hug.

  5. I really close person to me had a miscarriage a few years ago. I think I was sadder than she was. She recently had a baby though. So we are happy.


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