Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | July 22, 2005

Swing on a Star

I am pausing and asking the world to, “Hold please” I need to take a break. Not from work, come on now I need shoes. Life wasn’t supposed to turn out as it has. It wasn’t supposed to be this sane, this easy. When I think back to who I was and what I idealized in school, I come up with a loss. For me it never was about a who, a what, a where. It was happiness and moving forward. Finding a penny and picking it up while going to throw the trash out and seeing the beauty of a bum’s carefree existence. The goals and dreams I did make, of traveling have yet to come but still very present… very now. The dreams have always been simple and attainable. Make your own luck and react to the situation at hand with out strife or drama as drama tends to breed.

As the sun rose on my morning run I swatted at mosquitoes. After the previous weekend my appendages are resembling that of a refugee, scratched and battered. Years have passed since the times my mother would place her hands on her hips in frustration while 5 kids screamed at her with the “I wants”. She quickly learned the separation of wants and needs. She had DREAMS of kids and had 2 degrees before the eldest was a double digit number. She did not plan for whiny needy “I want it now” children. Boarding school was always the carrot dangling over our heads.

At 28, older with the slightest signs of age, I begin to understand what my mother meant so many years ago when I would throw violent temper tantrums. Kicking, screaming, and stomping my foot at the world. I broke a lot of glass stomping that foot. She would pause, holding the hand back wanting to strike then smooth her hair. She saw the halo despite the horns. She would pull me close and hold me tight until the tantrum turned into tears. Killing frustration with love. She kissed my forehead and would tell me to go play in the back yard. Outside the wind would blow as the swings swayed in a beckoning call. Unable to ignore the calling of her own childhood youth she would call me to come join her on the swings. Up she’d lift me carefully maneuvering my legs to straddle her in spider position. Standing back her legs stretched, hands holding tight to the chains, and mine clinging for dear life wrapped around her waist,
“Don’t drop me mommy”
“Hush, here we go”
Pumping her legs with each extension we would soar higher and higher to the clouds almost touching the sun. With each labored breath and leg extension the larger we appeared and the smaller our “gigantic” house was. She would then sing Bing Crosby,

Would you like to swing on a star?
Carry moonbeams home in a jar?
And be better off than you are?

Or would you rather be a pig?

A pig is an animal with dirt on his face
His shoes are a terrible disgrace
He has no manners when he eats his food
He’s fat and lazy and extremely rude
But if you don’t care a feather or a fig
You may grow up to be a pig

Would you like to swing on a star?
Carry moonbeams home in a jar

Now, I realize and have come to an understanding, that song is how I have lived and aim to live. It can get worse; Lord knows it can always get worse. It’s in those moments of adversity, those times of doubt, when I feel the world is closing in on me, work is stressing me out beyond belief, and when the single life stopped being fun (momentarily) that I realize life truly is that good. Please excuse me now while I go “swing on a star”

That’s all I got today – now go kick the crap out of the day and own it

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Responses

  1. Less thinking. More drinking.

  2. Aww, you just need a different song to cheer you up. Let’s see what we’ve got under Taylor, James…

  3. Kicking the crap as we speak, sarge!

  4. I actually grew up in Colorado so I’m not the Kendra you knew. But I’m so happy you left a comment because I love, LOVE your blog. Will be back to read more! 🙂

  5. Hmmm…you know what…for you…i will win over today. I have two big deadlines on two big stories that I was dreading…but now…

    the power of the Sass….

  6. Quite inspirational. Today is Sunday, though. May I wait until tomorrow to carpe diem?

  7. Okay Matthew – i give you a pass. i hope your sunday was as unproductive as mine.


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