Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | October 10, 2005

New Drugs

Tsunami’s, earthquakes, mudslides, hurricanes, floods, snow storms, 18 innings, and I won’t get cancer. That’s only the last 3 days.

What’s happening to the world? Stuck in the middle of such extremes, I feel like Jan Brady. The universe has gone mad.

“Then again, I kind of like being stuck in the middle, between men like you.”

Sunday afternoon I was sitting 3 rows from the field during a Houston Texans game with a cardiologist and my good friend Jackie who does cancer research at M.D. Anderson. The Texans were losing (get rid of David Carr already and don’t give me any crap about “we need an offensive line”) I was bored. A heavy man was standing next to the railing 10 feet from me. His job was to stand on the sidelines and stare at the crowd.

Me: “What’s THAT guy going to do? How can he protect me?”

Jackie: “I just saw the score to the Astros we’re down 5-1.”

Me: “Where did they show it?”

Jackie: “Next to . . . (the crowd roars) blah”

Me: “What the tire? You mean the one around that guys waist?”

Don’t judge me. We all do it. I started making fun of people I don’t know.

The cardiologist was talking again.

“When I was doing my residencey a husband and wife were being told he only had a few days to live. They were discussing where he wanted
to be when he died. The wife turned to him and said, ‘I don’t care where you are as long as you’re in my arms.’ The flood gates opened right there. Myself and all the other residents broke down. Ever since then I am convinced only really good people get cancer. After laughing at all your jokes about people who can’t hear you, I am convinced. You’ll never get cancer.”

The world has gone mad. But I won’t get cancer.


  1. Your luck? Huh. I found a nice girl (finally) and asked her out. All I can say is that I play for the wrong team.

  2. whew!!! i was afraid i might get cancer someday too!! Thanks Jess for clearing up all my worries!!!

  3. Yep, mine to 🙂

  4. Well there always has to be a silver lining…

  5. Well thank the good lord you wont be getting cancer. I heard it sucks. Oh well, good story though. Holla

  6. ouch.

  7. whew! that means i’m totally in the clear! thanks for the good news, sass!


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