Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | October 13, 2005

Behind the curtain

R: “How comfortable is your couch?”

She was asking me on the phone while I stood in line ordering my lunch.

R: “Others warned me; guess it took me a while to see that side of her.”

J: “That’s the problem with people like you and I we always want to see the good.”

R: “No, it’s not that. It’s that she prodded me and told me I was doing the right thing. Then when it got to be inconvenient for her….. (Her voice trailed off) I’ll tell you about it later. I started my new job today.”

J: “I’ve told you since day one the invite is open. You always have a place to stay at my house.”

Moments later, she couldn’t contain herself and let it pour through the phone. We were miles apart alone in crowded restaurants talking to one another. I continued to listen while stuffing bits of broccli and cauliflower into my mouth and trying not to chew in the phone stopping only to gasp in shock at this. . . woman!

The woman she was speaking of, a woman I’ve never met, had disguised herself as a friend and confidant to R.

R’s been in limbo as of late.


Not moving.


Not moving

She finally landed on not moving days after packing up her apartment and nailing a killer job. The woman had judged her for something so minor that it is the equivalent to burping in public with out saying, “Excuse me.”

In my experience, one’s friends should look out for you. Watch over you and not allow you to walk into the danger zone. That’s why they are your friends. They should stop you from walking into on coming traffic. And protect you from ninja kitties.

One should accept their friends actions, past, and future dreams. I’ve done things my friends don’t agree with and expect them to tell me their thoughts on such. They have. They know every rotten detail of my past and continue to welcome me with open arms. When I do something they don’t agree with, they tell me I was wrong or that I am jumping to conclusions.

Like persistent matadors, we are all insistent on learning lessons for ourselves. We charge full force ahead and let the bull of circumstance move in. Albeit sometimes into our own demise, but always growing through the process.

Upon disagreeing with a friend it’s rational and only healthy to disclose such feelings.

“I’m only saying this because I don’t want you to get hurt. But….”

It’s one thing to thoughtfully and responsibly discuss a friends actions or mistakes if your intent is to figure out the best way to help that person. It’s very much another thing to pull someone’s actions and character apart for your own amusement and beat them down into a withering ball of tears.

My last post discussed making fun of random people. It’s common practice and an accepted form of ridicule in this day and age. Do we really have the right to sit securely in secret and pass judgment on our friends and acquaintances? No. What type of friends would we be? What about strangers?

Two hours later I was safely at my desk when I sent her an email.

“I stopped and had a key made for you. It will be under the mat.”

Her response was heartfelt and made me jump back.

R: “Thank-you for never judging me.”

J: “Are you kidding me? I love you.”


  1. This is precisely why I have a bunch of keys already made. I have a lot of friends who, on a moment’s notice, might need a place to flop. Luckily, now that I’m divorced, I have several free beds, in addition to a sofa bed and a very comfortable couch. (I have a lot of married, or semi-married friends that get into trouble with their significant others!)
    And, yeah, sometimes, it’s nice to remember that friends are the people who *don’t* judge me. Or, at least, give me the benefit of the doubt. As a kid, I never thought I’d have that. How nice to be an adult.

  2. thas a great post sass. but i have to tell you that when i first glanced at the opening line i thought it read “how comfortable is your crotch” i had to double take.

  3. What a beautiful post. I feel the same way about my friends and always want them to know they’re welcome. Mainly because what if I need the same favor some day?? You’re an awesome writer and thanks for stopping by! I HOPE we win… *crossing fingers* and you are soooo lucky to get to see the game in person!

    Thank you!

  4. Amen! Cheers to those in our inner circles who huddle together with us when times get cold.

  5. Great post. I think she’s lucky to have a friend like you.

  6. I loved this. I was going to say the same exact thing as Cheryl. Lucky girl.


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