Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | October 25, 2005

Trick or treat

Sunday afternoon I sat dangling my feet 6 inches above the ground while listening to the guys scrap of football, vacations, and various cities. We were eating lunch and wrapping up the weekends details when suddenly I realized heartache was all around me. On either side were men who had just ended relationships. Year long relationships. Another man of the group was carrying on and on about his woman. Of course, she doesnt exist yet, but the way he would pamper her was illustrated during one long tirade. I had enough and finally said, Im either going to kiss you or cry. A moan spread across the table as I had already told them of my wretched morning.

Earlier that morning I lost it. I sat on my couch and released every ounce of emotion my body held. Blowing my nose and wiping my tears as my shoulders shook. I solemnly swore to never watch Love Actually again. EVER. Unless of course its pouring rain and am suffering from the flu. That would be cause to unleash the flood gates. But why did I have such emotion on a day when the sun was shining and the weather was next to perfect? I needed backup and called Soleil,

I dont know whats wrong with me.
She responded in a way only Soleil can. Her remarks are always insightful, genuine, and sarcastic.
I dont know Dude, sometimes you just need to cry.
Not like this. Wanna come over and hang out and watch t.v.

Any sane person would not put themselves in the same room with a crying female. She jabbed back right on cue,

Uh. No. Im tired. Think I will just stay right here until we go to dinner tonight. Hey Henry! (Her cat) Awe crud. Let me call you back.

I picked myself up, blew my nose, and wiped the tears. I had enough emotion for the day but still needed the comfort of friends. I was pretty damn needy. I called Manfred and made plans to meet up for what has become a Sunday ritual.

No need to worry, I didnt cry again. But it did make me think about both relationships, my previous ones, and an issue bigger than my fear of heights. One friend had been dating the same girl for several years, the other for a year. In the last year(s) or so they have grown apart. How does that happen? How does a couple go from walking into a room, seeing their partner, and getting that I want to jump their bones feeling to nothing? Suddenly they become any random person in a bar. The Yeah they are cute but, How does that happen? Do people actually grow apart? If one progresses faster than the other does that mean the relationship is doomed? Or is it simply not being on the same track? How easy it is to mistake temporary for permanent.

Upon meeting someone and finding likeness you share interests, middle ground, and ideally your own interests. What happens between the relationship giddiness and the following years? How do you keep that alive?

My parents have been married for 37 years and all my siblings are married. (Happy almost 10 yr. anniversary Nate and Tara) Not to say its been peaches and roses during the course of my folks marriage, its been real love. Yelling, Screaming, rude and inappropriate remarks but at the end of the day they push each other into being a better person and fulfilling the dreams that are mentioned only after the kids are put to bed. My point is, its easy to grow apart and lose what you love about that person. Ive feared this for as long as I can remember which makes relationships some what easy for me. It’s easy to push someone away and harder to work on it. Through my own insecurities I’ve become pretty darn good at it.

But thats another day and for another post.

I’ve also just booked a plane ticket for someplace that before Sunday I never thought of going to. But when Manfred said why don’t you go with John and I. Well, getting out of town sounds like pretty fabulous idea. So next weekend I’ll board a plane for the second largest metropolitan area in the world.

Mexico city.

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Responses

  1. Ooooh an adventure!
    By the way your post made me want to cry. 😦

  2. oh wow. i havent been there in years but its awesome, though its been scary from what hear latley. take care nd enjoy.

  3. Oddly, for me, that “growing apart” started and ended with the Internet. Her use of the Internet, though, not mine… Hey, wait a second, I’ve got a blog entry in this!

    Anyway, I don’t really get it either. She “grew apart” and I just grew tired. I stayed because… Well, because we were married and it seemed like the right thing to do. She didn’t agree.
    Thankfully, she’s inflicting herself on a whole other city in a whole other state.
    The rest I’ll do up into a post, after I talk to my shrink tomorrow night. ^_^

  4. Whoa, the Geek’s story is disturbingly familiar…

    Have a good time next weekend, but please be careful.

  5. Woo! Mexico City! Nice. I think that some people just don’t work at it the way your parents do. But you have great inspiration and know it can be like they have it. So you’re gonna be ok.

  6. Mexico City?!?!? and you didn’t invite me?!?!? ;-)~

  7. I think people grow apart because they let themselves grow apart. They don’t want to do the hard work. At least that’s I’ve seen. And I know I’ve been guilty of it at times. Hang in there.

    On a happier note, Mexico City should be fun! 🙂

  8. have fun in mexico …

  9. Love and loving for the long haul is tough. I did it for 13 years then it faded in to something that dissolved. There’s that idea that, about every seven years, every cell in the body has been replaced by a new cell. I think that people’s souls change like that too and there has to be a decision about staying in the relationship. Part of its a choice. Part of it’s a mystery. When you figure it out, please let all of us know.

  10. Do people actually grow apart? If one progresses faster than the other does that mean the relationship is doomed? Or is it simply not being on the same track? How easy it is to mistake temporary for permanent. Upon meeting someone and finding likeness you share interests, middle ground, and ideally your own interests. What happens between the relationship giddiness and the following years? How do you keep that alive?

    These are all great questions JH. I think if we knew the answers we could bottle it, write about it, sell it, and become instant millionaires. This would be a great research project. Poll successful couples such as your parents and poll unsuccessful ones (like me) and see what common bonds are. What a fascinating study that would make.

    From my 10 year failed marriage perspective, I think people do grow apart. I think it can start from the beginning where the old cliche, “Love is blind,” is absolutely true. I think it masks things that you might normally find things objectionable over time. We can and almost always it seems fall in love without regard to anything really. Once we do, it’s only then we start worrying about commonalities. I think the best relationships share tons of common interests. Personalities can be different. Opposites can attract, but I think as long as there are many many interests to share over a lifetime can bode well for a long-term relationship. Keeping alive the giddiness is definitely a challenge that couples must work hard at. This is another lesson I learned. You gotta make every day like the first day when you had those giddy feelings. One thing’s for sure, there are no guarantees. We’ll never know if ‘it’ is gonna last. Hopefully you, me, and and the rest of the single population has learned from our mistakes enough to make the next relationship count. Jeez, I could go on and on, but then your readers, if not already, are gonna really hate me.


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