Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | January 31, 2006

hold hands while you cross the street

February is on the horizon and will begin at the stroke of midnight. Winter has not been much of a cold threat. It brought the usual bouts of sniffles and tired feelings brought on by short days. Although, I canít shake the feeling that I am entering a month I canít trust. Itís unreliable like Houston weather. Sunday was for tank tops paired with flip flops. Tomorrow is for long sleeves and ear muffs. Februaryís life ping pongs between Sunday and tomorrow revealing disarray and bipolar ways.

I feel particularly vulnerable after having been burned so badly by January when Iíd fought my way out of a dark haze, dusted myself off, and snapped back into the depths of routine monotony. Even when I was cheerful inside color seemed dimmer to me than I knew in the back of my head it should be. Will February be as challenging?

My solace is February has slightly fewer days to torture me. Iím distracting myself with work and trading my novels for books about negotiation, business tactics, and leadership exchange. Monday afternoon I was sitting numbly at my desk trying to lose myself in many tasks while pretending I was completely fine. Although Iím capable of keeping up with the hectic work pace, Iíve been fighting my way through the days. My melodrama is a reaction to anxiety, stress, and uncertainty Iíve been living and breathing the last few weeks, probably more like months. My partying has cut down and work outs increased but I canít shake this feeling of toxin saturation. Iíve been perpetually exhausted and unable to sleep well. There has been too much to worry about, to much to get done, too much entirely out of my control. Around three in the afternoon The Big Man etched a feeling in me of being called into the principalís office for passing notes during study hall. He wanted to share a moment with me while the Consultant was in his office.

FUCK FUCK FUCITY FUCK

***DO NOT TALK ABOUT WORK ON YOUR BLOG ********

It was good, very good. In an extreme way of jumping off a cliff and hoping you can fly.

Welcome February. Play nice. Okay.

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Responses

  1. Entering a month you can’t trust. Well said, and I feel the same way though for different reasons. Might have to borrow the line – giving credit where due of course. If February were a potential team mate with the other months, I’d pick Feb last every time.

  2. I’d like to echo you on a couple things. One: the obscenities. And two: you admonishing February to play nice. Because me and January are on the outs.

  3. See, now I am a fan of February, must the the Aquarian in me…. Hope that this month brings your restful sleep. I find that nothing makes me feel better than good sleep. Well not nothing, but it is right up there.

    Scott

  4. february. not tha same cold hearted bastitch that january and june seem to be. but like you, i dont trust her.

  5. snorted at the vulgarity.

    well, feb in h-town is indeed a mixed bag. and it houses one of my least favorite holidays.

  6. Right, now here are my thoughts about talking about work:
    1. Only if you’re talking about technical aspects of the gig, like how to install software or manage data or the relative merits of MBO vs. something that actually works.
    2. Only if you talk about work in glowing terms, like how your boss is a genius and how everyone gets along and how well the company is doing
    3. Only if you talk about things in vague generalities, like how your boss is a general genius and how everyone does their job so well and how well the company is doing.

    Notice a pattern?

  7. Want some fun news? Guess who will be visiting Houston in March? I’ll give you three hints:
    1. She has a blog.
    2. She’s a brunette living in Denver.
    3. She loves vodka and fully intends to meet you for drinks.
    ūüôā

  8. Yikes. This seems to be going around lately. I’m sure that Febuary is going to treat you splendidly. It has to or I’ll beat it up.

  9. At least right in the middle of that cold hearted bitch of a month we call Febewary you have Valentine’s Day to warm you up. Yay.

    You wanna know what pisses me off the most about February. No? Well I’m going to tell you anyway. It’s the way it’s spelled. Why is that first r in there if we don’t pronounce it that way? Or am I supposed to be pronouncing it that way?

  10. At least it’s a short month.. : ) Hope all is well with you and I will be expecting those candy valentine’s hearts from you… : )

  11. Sounds like you and I are living slightly parallel January’s. Here’s to better months ahead.

  12. Hang in there Sass. It can only get easier.

  13. Hey, you’re doing well. Working out more and partying less is a great step. Yes, it’s very tough to keep work off the blog. I struggle with that daily since there’s some good stuff to share.

  14. Yes, but Febuary, no, Feburarry, no, Febru…ah screw it, 2 is so hard to spell! When does May get here?

  15. No posting about work on one’s blog? Yeah, right! *quietly tiptoes out the door again*

  16. Feb has a bad wrap. Every day crossed off in Feb is another day closer to summer.

  17. I tell people I work to live, not live to work. I wish I could convince myself to believe that.

  18. Go buy a punching bag and then beat the hell out of it. Does wonders for the mind.

  19. It’s kind of cool when you swear like that. Maybe you should do it more often. ūüėČ


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