Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | February 6, 2006


Decision is a small 8 letter word with a lifetime of impact. Itís having to make a commitment. This coming from someone who canít even commit to drapery is like boxing my shadow. That suckerís fast.

My mother says she always felt like something was missing. We were a meager family in a sea of many waiting for the addition that would make us complete. Without her, we just werenít.

My baby sister came to us on a Saturday afternoon at JFK airport. Mother dolled us in our Sunday best to see the birth of her six month long delivery. The drive from Princeton to JFK demoted my older sister and I in the back of our wood paneled station wagon. My brothers sat in the middle. Scott, in typical Pedro fashion, was lost in a book twisting fuzz between his fingers. Nathan convulsed from side to side taken by the wonderment of his Sony Walkman. Carlin and I were playing guessing games as she straightened my Pippy Long Stocking pig tails that consistently went lop sided.

ďDo you think sheíll say your name funny? Like a cartoon character Asian style?Ē

Having the mind of a seven year old I replied with a food thatís fun to pronounce.

ďIts going to sound like chop suey but Jesssey.Ē

ďThat sounds more like Daisey calling Uncle Jessie. You nerd.Ē

My parentís friends from Church were in tow. Their mission was to video tape her arrival. Mr. Peters followed us with the boom box sized video camera capturing the torturous moments of anticipation. In one corner my Father and I worked on the secret handshake we continue to practice each visit. Itís a series of snaps, claps, and hits on the leg ending with a grasp of four hands meeting in acknowledgement. My Mother was lost in conversation with others on easing the transition of the babies as my sister quietly took notes. My brothers were no doubt debating functionality and form. The hours rolled on. One by one.

A proud father to be frantically shocked the room screaming,

“Their coming! Their coming down the hall right now!”

That day, life was perfect.

The decision to add and make us grow in number was without a doubt relatively easy. Finance was one thing and could be a burden but, weíd make it work on a penny and a potato chip. Thatís all you really need.

Iíve learned.

And now, I sit and wonder if I can indeed make a jump. The feet will catch my core and in twenty years Iíll look into my nieceís eyes and say,

ďI remember when you came to us in China. I was there.”

Yeah, I want that. The rest, Iíll bet you a Tic Tac will work and come out in the wash.


Sunday afternoon pre party and post run I was breaking down the merits of decision to be made on a long distance phone call to my sister. If only I could stick her in my pocket Lilly Tomlin style; carry her around with me and consult her with every choice to be made life would be easier.

Well, it sure would make getting dressed easier anyway.


  1. You’re so coy…
    What decision did you make? Are you adopting? I do a good uncle routine, or so my red-neck nephew tells me, you know, in case you need a baby sitter.

  2. well, we can all gain so much from taking healthy risks, with regard to career, family, romance. most of us do not risk enough. most of us insist on operating within a much more confining framework, with blinders on. and we miss out.

  3. You can make the jump! I think you should, because sometime we regret not jumping. And we should never stay in one place.

  4. When I quit my job to stay home with our children it was the scariest thing I’ve done. I had all these doubts and fears as to weather or not I’d be happy and have it impact my marriage. I’ve learned you have to listen to your gut and do what you feel inside is right. If you fall then you’ve learned a lesson.

  5. You’re no dummy – you’ll know the right answer to the jumping question.

  6. Alright, that’s it. From your last several posts, I feel like you are dating a new guy and now want to have his child. I’m so confused.

  7. “one thing ive got to say to you all, be true to yourself and you will never fall”

  8. I have eleven adopted siblings.

  9. Such a nice story. Your blog always makes me happy…

    I went for a run myself today… then I ran up the stairs to the 20th floor of my building to work on the “hill training”


  10. Adoption is the greatest gift I ever could have received.


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