Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | February 22, 2006

swiming with sharks

Before we get started I can already feel myself withdrawing and holding on to self restraint.

Ive been going back and forth trying to decide if I should post the story I planned. The one where I spill my guts and write whats really on my mind. Ive opted to stand behind the shield of my laptop instead. Its been a while since theres been anything confessional here outside of a strange addiction to hummus and the inability to go more than three days without talking to my sisters and sister-in-law.

The past several weeks have been relatively the same. My feet swing over the side of the bed reluctantly hitting the floor and sluggishly agree to take on the day. My motivating factor is knowing I will have the opportunity to go for a run and try to work it out of my head. Like most logical American Women when it comes to my weight I am mentally unstable. I obsess over the smallest digit and factor in an extra three minutes on the tread mill while I reach for a piece of cinnamon hard candy. Under stress, evening runs and work outs at the gym have nothing to do with fitting into my jeans thats the easy part. Understanding the complexity of a decision and attempting to work it out while my body is in motion keeps me motivated through the day.

Everything has taken an extraordinary amount of effort to motion through. Returning phone calls to the point where I hit send and hang up after the first ring, answering emails, writing, talking to coworkers is pointless and has been boiled down to aloof remarks with sarcastic overtones. Even talking to Ronda is brief and narrowed down to the bare facts.

Last night I arrived home, looked at the phone, answered a text message and sent a few. I hung up on a friend before he called back reminding me crank calling doesnt work when you have caller ID.

In the office just now a coworker stood in my doorway motionless staring at me before I cocked my head in his direction. We stared at one another in a Mexican standoff fashion before he said,

Are you okay? Im here to help you but you have to ask. If theres anything I can do. We’ve all noticed what your doing around here. Keep doing what your doing.”

By that, does he mean I should keep surfing the web?

Sometimes you just have to throw yourself to the sharks and see what happens and laugh at your coworker as he announces, “I’m in love with a stripper.”

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Responses

  1. I feel ya sister…

    I have been feeling the same as of late…

  2. Oooh, I just pictured you and co-worker staring at each other like the pair of Italian Ice Skaters.

  3. Haha, I love that song… Im in love with a stripper…. great tune:)

  4. Hey, do you think he wants to buy her some shoes?

  5. Well written post. Strippers never stick around. They always take off 🙂

  6. What do you expect? The strippers pop and the roll…it’s easy to see how someone might fall in love. 🙂

  7. So what is up with the feelings? Any idea where it is coming from. I know when I have a hard time getting out of bed because it is about anxiety and apathy mostly. So what’s up with ya?? Hope that the running helps.

    My time at the gym or on the bike always help me.

    Scott

  8. The “is there really any point to this” and the “does this really make a difference” days…those in which you really wish you could just drag the object of your desire back to bed and stay there…for a week.

  9. okay the “logical female” line was just to see if us guys were awake… right?

    now… about this confession… bring it girl

  10. Umm, were you looking at the same photo I was about a week back…the one with you in the backless dress? You think you need to diet? Get a grip woman. You don’t mess with things that aren’t broke. 🙂

    You know what, your day could of been worse. That co-worker could of professed he was in love with you instead of the stripper! See, count your blessings. There is always something good to look at even on the darkest of days. Chin up.

  11. That is me every day of the week. When you find the right answer to dealing with it…let me know.

  12. ,aybe a good spill or speil to clear the mess?

  13. I think you need a dose of the Nessa – you’ve seen proof of my cheering up abilities on my little site – seriously, though – I hope you’re doing better!!!

  14. You’re right, it does sound like we’re in similar situations at the moment. I too have had people at work asking me if I’m ok, to the point where I’m getting paranoid. Good luck swimming with the sharks. Just remember to keep your head above water.

  15. Every comment I can conceive to this post is just plain dirty. So I’m just not going to try.


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