Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | March 14, 2006

E.T.

It caught me by surprise. I nearly dropped every item in my arms while trying to avoid walking into a wall simultaneously. Tonight, it is beautiful and grand. Tonight, it is my everything and the just out of reach dreams I run to. Itís there in the sky, if I stretch long enough, work hard enough, and play the cards correctly, itís in my sight. I’ll wrangle it in. I wonder if you see your aspirations the same way when you stare at a full moon on a cool spring evening. The visual sits like a weight on my chest raising my core temperature and resting in my lungs. ďCough. Cough.Ē I wipe a tear and am reminded of how small I am in this great big world.

Once again Iím seeking solace in a coffee shop of the non chain variety. Scoff, I know. Itís not Starbucks? No, itís much moreÖaverage and quaint. The Daily Grind. At the moment Iím looking at a woman who is roughly thirty-one. An actual woman-woman who is smart with a Minnesota accent, I think. She has long blonde hair and is ordering a decaf while I become inherently aware of her laugh lines. They make me question my own. Iíve seen her before. She wears a Kanga beret of a blue hue, even though her expressions show nothing of the color. Her motivations for being here this evening are unclear. Sheís quiet and waiting on her coffee. She stares around the room with eyes darting from corner to corner seeking a friendly strangers smile. We catch eyes, I smile back and retreat. Under normal conditions I revert to the safety of my Linus Blanket a.k.a. my Blackberry. Apparently, I left my former company for all the right reasons. They turned my phone off after promising they would wait until next week after the number had been transferred. Humph! Me without a phone is like the church without a Pope. Seriously. Iím living on email. Lovely. So now, when she and I catch eyes, I seek refuge in the pages of black and white company and Toshiba Notebook Touch Screens. I shield my eyes allowing my hair to fall quietly across my face in a firey fashion ignoring my own curiosity of the world she lives in. Is hers better than the one I know or only different. I choose different.

Is she going out? Where? On a Tuesday? A lover’s, a friends, or just like me?

Tonight I just wanted to be out. I didnít really care where. I have things to study and mull over. Sometimes, I get a little to manic about being out. A little overeager, laughing too much, drinking too quickly, ordering another a half hour too soon, okay Iím hoping during the process for something good to happen and looking for something to make the night count and justify all my black and white worries. Thatís hard to write right now for more reasons than one.

My eyes hesitate to refocus as I stare out the window regaining clarity in the evening. I see a beautiful moon in the sky and accept this moment knowing I canít phone home on a shutoff Blackberry, but this here and now of rested solitude I take with me.

Now go look at the moon.

One more thing, L.F.C is back! Show her some love.

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Responses

  1. Woo hoo! I’m first! I’m first! I, er, wait a minute. What was I going to say????? Dammit!!

  2. hehe, yes jason, you SHOULD be excited. but being the first to be able to comment on sass’s site probably means you stalk it.
    solitude? i am not comfortable being alone unless it’s in my own home. i wish i were brave enough to go out by myself and enjoy it.
    thanks for the shout-out… and daily grind, love it!

  3. Great post. I love the description that you use in your writing. Fantastic.

    I love going out and sitting in coffee shops by myself from time to time too. I usually have a book and it is always my “Linus blanket.”

    The moon peaked through the clouds a few times last night when I was out with the dog. I love the moon.

    Scott

  4. You dreamed of having sex with me.

  5. Stupid ex company – no wonder I couldn’t get thru last night. ūüė¶
    Funny about the moon because I was having my own set of deep thoughts when I saw it last night.

  6. I watched that full moon rise, with a faint orange tint, between Williams Tower and the Duke Energy building. Those wispy clouds that someone had dragged across the sky with a light brush.

    Mine was a caramel hot chocolate though.

  7. When I was in love, and far, far removed from my heart’s desire, I used to look up at the moon and be comforted by the fact that the great, glorious full moon shone down on her, just as it did me.
    Now that I’m alone, I look up at the moon and wonder if someone is dreaming the same night-time day-dreams that I am. The moon, like the eye of night, looks down on us all and keeps us in her watchful gaze.

    *ahem*
    Yes, the moon was beautiful and full last night. Sure enough.

  8. The moon was gorgeous here last night too! You’re right, something about it makes life seem attainable.

    I have always thought the Pope somewhat unnecessary, but I am a recovering Catholic.

  9. If you thought that moon was something in Houston, you should’ve seen in out here in rural OK. We had stars to go with it. Such a clear, clean night. Lovely.

  10. So what does being second mean?

  11. Aaah, that explains why you didn’t get my email. Dont’ forget, change is good. You’ll land on your feet no matter what road you choose.

  12. I often find myself sitting at home, getting… “antsy” for no apparent reason. The overwhelming urge to get out, to do something… it’s unbearable at times. My behaviour is excessive. I drink too much. I laugh at all the wrong things. I want to drink, I want to get laid, I want to get in a fight, ANYTHING, as long as I get to do SOMETHING.

    I wonder why this is? Fear not. You are not alone.

  13. I felt like I was there with you. So when am I going to be hanging out in a coffee shop with Sass? We have so much “getting to know you” to do!

  14. so sass, do you like sunny days or moonlit nights better?

  15. Nice post. I hope something good happened when you were out. ):

  16. I love looking up into the darkest night — there’s nothing like a Montana summer night. It takes forever to get dark in the middle of nowhere, and when it finally does, the blanket of stars is amazing…

  17. I was always under the impression that a full moon makes people act weird? I think for you, it just may be helping clear your head and allowing you to refocus yourself towards better days…let’s at least hope so. ūüôā

  18. The moon was quite impressive. Staring at the moon does allow the mind to wander quite a bit. It also reminds me how weird I can be at times.

  19. The world just seems like a better place now that Little Fluffy Cloud is back.

  20. Such lovely prose Sass. You really do have a gift for words.

  21. PINCH


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