Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | March 27, 2006

don’t shhhh me

There are moments in life when you hold back the words you are thinking, bite your lip, scan the room, and search for a tactful approach. Later the unspoken words ring in your head for a few hours trying to have their say without pause. In almost every relationship unspoken words remain between two people. These words collect at the base of a mental damn until you are able to unleash the barricade of tripped over emotions of what you wanted to say and stopped short of. When youíre carrying an unspoken conversation around with you itís like strapping their hundred and some pound body to your back while balancing on stilts. Youíre supporting their full weight no matter what. Then they grab you around the neck adjusting their weight and suddenly itís easier, like they are pulling up on you, but either way youíre still carrying them, right? Why should it make a difference that they are holding you too?

To have unspoken conversations and say a million syllables with a touch is either plain and disgraceful or beautiful and glorious. Iím not sure Ė But I choose beautiful and glorious. Even if this is so right and beautiful to not allow a peep out of my mouth and hope the other understands all that is unsaid, in a moment of unspoken language, I know Iím doing something both beautiful and gruesome. Iím destroying its beauty by knowing it might be beautiful because itís no longer beautiful without the communication. I fear that even if itís beautiful in the abstract Iíll be worsening it knowing I will soon be documenting it for future exploration. There in lies my problem, I remember to much and forget to little falling down on the gambling thoughts that play in my imagination.

Like so many great black and white movies language is more than the spoken word. At times life can seem endless, filled with belly laughs and butterflies, passion and joy, all things good, rainbows and butterflies. Of course, with age comes the understanding that the term ďeternal happinessĒ are merely words pieced together. Seasons change, love withers, the good die young. These are hard truths, painful truths Ė inescapable and a necessary lesson. Winter begets spring, night ushers in the dawn, and loss sews the seeds of renewal. It is of course easy to say these things just as easy it is to hear a friend silence your wandering mind in the middle of a bar as she turns to you and says, ďI’ve got one thing to say, NEXT.Ē

Be it easy or not to rely on such sentiment to do otherwise would be to jump without hope into a black and endless abyss, falling through an enveloping void for all eternity. Really whatís to gain by saying hope in an unspoken language is understood? Itís nice to know I can count on you and you can on me but itís even better to release those words.

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Responses

  1. Great, did that at about 2:30AM last night. Or was it this morning? Whichever…
    So, now what? Where do you go with someone after you’ve said what you need to say? What happens next?

  2. Oooh, yeah. I’m not sure everyone would appreciate everything I have to tell them.

  3. Mission accepted.

  4. you are brilliant, sass

  5. Oh Sassy poo…. You as well should have a certain hot Texas blogger on your A-List as well….. : )
    And yes, you are awesome….

    C.

  6. Cool post… very intense.

    Scott

  7. There should be a way for you to get paid for the overtime of your mind’s workings. ūüėČ

    It’s time for us to get together again.

    Sooner than later.

  8. Who’s not saying what? You or him/her?

  9. I should leave a comment, but instead of words, I’m going to speak the unspoken language.

    You will have visualize it…

    I’m clapping.

  10. Wow…excellent post, as usual. Sometimes it is hard to find the balance between things said and things unspoken.

  11. My problem is…I never think of the right things to say until way after the fact. :o(

  12. You are such a talented writer.

  13. Where are You???? : )

    C.


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