Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | April 7, 2006

the way it should be

“Do you girls come here often?”

We glance at one another and I immediately hate myself for opening my big fat mouth.

“No this is our first time.”

“Where are you from?”

Cautiously Reagan and I look at one another.


We were in pain.

“I’m from Denvmerk”



In my best dumb girl voice, “Oh is that near Russia?”

That should have been clue number one. I see my phone light up in a manner that tells me E.T. is phoning home knowing its Kristina and reach for the safety net. Grabbing Reagan’s knee I mouth, ‘I’m sorry, be right back.’ The return expression on her face says it all, ‘BITCH’.

Five minutes later I’m back at the bar listening to how the creep told her he could see he was making her uncomfortable and kissed her a goodbye on both cheeks.

“I’m done with dating and men like that.”

“We’re all done with men like that.”

“I just get so tired of dealing with guys saying stupid things out at bars. What’s the point?”

Not like we have to tell you, but we don’t exactly have the best track record with men. The one’s who have the most effect rarely end up being discussed. We get cagey.
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I’ve never been one of those girls who follow the rules. If something is good and feels right I tread cautiously and know he’s bound to kiss my forehead and tell me what I need to hear. I’m always afraid of coming off to needy. I hate that word NEEDY. Needy should be a word reserved only for babies and toddlers. They need to rely on others. In the end, it’s not about feeling needy that brings me turmoil it’s finding that balance and the equality.

As far as being understanding of shady behavior; that’s a crock of shit. In the end there’s really nothing understanding about it. I’ve been the pin up model of the modern gal with a rough exterior shaking off the hurt and pain when shady sets in. In the end, I’ve ended up with a bruised ego and several three month relationships.

“The point is finding your equal.”

“Who walks beside you.”

“And not in front of you.”


  1. Amen to that!

    I still can’t believe you left me alone with that idiot. Pay backs are a bitch … 😉

  2. Good stuff Sass!!! And don’t believe that crap about finding it at the produce section either… : )
    Hope you are having a great day!


  3. There’s never a need to understand shady behavior — instead there’s a need to recognize it and kick the guy to the curb ASAP. It’s better than the bruised egos that come later.

  4. “Too needy” is in the eye of the beholder. Is it really that much worse than “not needing”? As far as I can tell, either way ends up alone.

  5. the point is your soul recognizing its counter point in another. or something like that. i took it from owen wilson.

  6. Ghost – i love that movie and feel free to mention Owen Wilson anytime.

  7. Sass, anyone who says you’re too needy has never been lonely, hurt or betrayed. Or is just lying to himself about all that. Need what you need, want what you want, and wait for a man who can give you that.

    Then, pray that he’s straight. ;

  8. Finding your equal who walks beside you…. i like that a lot. I guess that is what we should all be looking for out there.

    Take care,


  9. I think we only use ten percent of our hearts.

  10. grape kool aid is great on a hot day.

  11. chris – you goof ball – call me later about this weekend.

  12. Oh is that near Russia, hehe- and here he thought his accent would pull you in.

  13. At least you and Reagan are still trying to meet someone. I have pretty much given up on the whole thing. Good luck on your searches in the future.


  14. Finding an equal, someone who is the Yin to your Yang has always been the battle…

    …and you gotta give the guy some points, even for just approaching you.

  15. I didn’t know you liked Dave Eggers, Sass.

  16. Amen sister. When you find one…let me know which pond you were fishing in.

  17. Btw, speaking as a person with a sister, I concur that too many guys are creeps.

  18. We’re supposed to say dumb things at a bar to women. Hey, it could have been worse, at least you didn’t get on by Chris Katan and Will Ferrell at the Roxbury!!!!!!

  19. I had my own ‘stupid guy’ experience at the bar this weekend. I posted about it today and I’m sure it’ll provide fodder for posts for the rest of the week.

  20. I’ve never found a serious relationship develop with any girl I’ve met in a bar. I’ve dated girls I’ve met in a bar before (I think everyone has), but I don’t know many people who form anything real from it. Perhaps that is why bar lines exist – they are fly by night relationships at best? The connection you form with anyone in a bar will hold about the same amount of depth as the cheesy pickup line that introduced you to them in the first place.

    Maybe I’m wrong on this and I just haven’t been as lucky as some who meet a great guy or girl from the bar scene. I think I tend to meet a great girls when I’m not even looking for one. So don’t look Sassy and maybe you’ll find him…minus the cheesy pickup line.

  21. Ah, gotta love those sad pick-up attempts. Really, all you can do is laugh.

  22. nice post. glad to be on a needy to know basis.

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