Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | May 15, 2006

Helium Tanks

“Clint, meet me at 5:30 – I need my B.F.”

I called ‘Emergency’ a half hour later he and The Professor walked through the front door of the neighborhood Mexican restaurant, took one look at me, and sat down caustically discussing the onslaught of the hang over Wednesday night had brought. I wiped a tear and said, “I have no idea what happened.” The breaks had been pulled, I was listless. My eyes begin to swell and I swallowed hard on a bit of spicy salsa claiming cayenne poisoning while wiping a tear.

“Take my phone,” Clint told me. If you know him, that’s like handing over his Black American Express Card. Unthinkable. But for your best friend? Well, that’s just the kind of guy he is, the man would do that for friend or foe.

Three hours later I walked into “The Office” swarmed by Hillary, Soleil, and Company soon forgetting I had allowed the World to bruise me only hours earlier.

The world deflates and inflates faster than a kid running out the door at the sound of a recess bell. Trees, grass, homes, marriages, jobs, and relationships deflate with the single prick of a pin fizzling out and taking the joy they once brought. Occasionally, they inflate faster than a moment turning into one you’ve committed to memory with out realizing it at the time. Life grips you like that, one moment you’re swimming in a sea of darkness, the next you’re staring at the sky recalling ROY G BIV.

Sunday morning as I drove to my brothers I couldn’t fight the thought that if I simply veered my car off the road into a swing set it would bounce back with the prudence of a Mother Goose tale. Later that day, the sky turned black, the wind picked up, and trees bent over with the velocity of The Wicked Witch on a bender. That was outside the house, inside we were dancing – all eleven family members danced next to dim lighting and smiles. The Toddlers bounced, the Kids did cartwheels, and the Adults were pure silly.

It’s only life after all….and I’m going to Vegas next week.

And now, as I sit here watching Grey’s Anatomy I recall my Father telling me how he held my childhood dog, Gibson, in his arms as she was put to sleep, “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I thought it’s what you would want.” That was only the third time I’ve seen him cry.



  1. Jessica,

    I don’t know hat happened but I hope that you are doing okay. It seems like you are struggling with some things these days. I hope that you keep working away. From the way you write I know that YOU have a lot of talent and sound like a great friend. Keep writing.


  2. I hope you’re feeling better. It’s our bounce-back-ableness that shows our real strength. Wasn’t Grey’s good?

  3. Picture yourself in a boat on a river,
    With tangerine trees and marmalade skies
    Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
    A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.

    Cellophane flowers of yellow and green,
    Towering over your head.
    Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes,
    And she’s gone.

    Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
    Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
    Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
    Ah… Ah…

    Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain
    Where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies,
    Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers,
    That grow so incredibly high.
    Newspaper taxis appear on the shore,
    Waiting to take you away.
    Climb in the back with your head in the clouds,
    And you’re gone.

    Picture yourself on a train in a station,
    With plasticine porters with looking glass ties,
    Suddenly someone is there at the turnstyle,
    The girl with kaleidoscope eyes.

  4. Hey Jess I’m going to Vegas next week too, Memorial weekend, we should meet up and party like we don’t give a shit!

  5. did you ever find out what happened?

  6. hey babycakes. you are such a tough, strong woman. i know you’ll breeze through this just fine. i’ll be there to do anything i can to help you through every step of it.


  7. 1. Things will brighten up soon. Those dark clouds and that fierce wind blew a lot of change across this city.
    2. Vegas next week. Because that’s how you roll?
    3. Hugs.

  8. I don’t know anything about anything you wrote. No, seriously. I’m like a babe lost in the woods when it comes to that stuff.

    But, I do know that’s a wonderful picture of you and your Dad. (At least, I’m assuming that’s your father and that’s why you have the same smile, etc.)
    I’ve watched a lot of family strife over the years, both via my marriage and elsewhere, but a picture like that restores my hope that it can be better. Thank you for sharing it with us.

  9. I’m going Thursday-Sunday send me an email and I’ll give you my #

  10. Gray’s kicked my emotional butt.

  11. Be brave Sass.

    Be brave.


  13. Hmm, interesting I didn’t post that. Guess I’m infamous now.

  14. The last paragraph got me. I feel for you and your Dad there. I recently had to put down my childhood dog and it was the worst.

    On a different note, Sassy you are far too pretty to be so sad. Cheer up girl. 🙂

    Have fun in Sin City!

  15. 1. Incredible command of the English language;
    2. Amazingly captivating Sassy. And sassy.
    3. Reagan’s right, bright skies are never too far away. Especially with friends like her.
    4. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Resist your natural urge to blog. Unless it’s something we all can’t live without lol. In which case, by all means.
    5. Thanks for commenting on/reading my blog. I didn’t believe it was you! 🙂



  17. I hope Vegas is a cure for what ails you. And I have to comment about looks being a factor in how sad you are. Being devastatingly handsome myself, I can tell you that good looks only get you so far in the happiness department.

    Okay, so I’m more of a bullshitter than a looker, but you get the point.


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