Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | June 28, 2006

Glass Walls and warm fuzzies

When I was younger my Mother bought me a blue t-shirt that announced in big bold white bubble letters, ďHere Comes TroubleĒ I suppose my Mother looked into my big hazel eyes and saw accidents waiting to happen. Having never been one that treads lightly, oh no, thatís to boring. I tend to look both ways then run down the path, hit the spring board, and take off. Iíve managed to never break a bone, but have wound up with several whoppers of bruises. Lately, those bruises appear more frequently. Currently, I have a bruise the size of a golf ball on my left knee, my left arm has three bruises on the bicep, right leg has a scratch and two bruises below the knee, and a huge bruise and a burn on my back. Wild sex? If only that were the case, Iíd block my siblings from reading this. Iím just a glorified klutz. Earlier today, I ran into furniture and apologized before realizing it was a chair. My guard has been down.

The reason a defense is called a defense is because thatís what you do when life knocks you down. When the offense has run out of steam, you defend yourself or allow your friends and family to do it for you. It doesnít matter what they say or how they go about doing it, because they give it back in spades. After being knocked down one to many times lately, and feeling the pain of bruises, Iíve been leaning on my family and friends using them as my line, allowing them to take the helm. When you grow up thinking youíre Wonder Woman, this task is harder than it is to eat a fried bologna sandwich.

Stomach churning.

My Mother realized long ago that the best way to catch a butterfly is to not chase it at all, but to remain so still that it landed on your shoulder. She never tried to rationalize my nonconformist behavior with explanations of the moon being out of alignment at birth. She let me go. Iíve made mistakes and so has she. As an adult Iíve questioned my childhood, she shrugs her shoulders and says, ďI did the best I could. Buck up.Ē

The last two mornings Iíve woke to voicemails that turned my stomach, ďItís your biggest cheerleader,Ē laughing she chirps my favorite childhood songs. Now, Iíve come to terms with events in my past and the mistakes Iíve made. The thing about having regrets in your past is that you spend every minute of the future building a wall that makes the monster harder to see. You convince yourself that the wall is sturdy, thick, and one day you wake up and those horrible things donít jump out of the closet at you. You have to pick yourself up and occasionally lean on those around you.

Maybe the job of a Mother is to not shelter but bear witness as a child hits full forceÖand then to cushion the fall when itís over.


  1. If you only get bruises you’re lucky. There are worse things to run into than furniture

  2. plans changed for tonight, one of my 31 flavors melted…and my stomach is churning

  3. It’s funny, Sass, but I could hardly ever get my parents to give me advice when I was growing up. They always told me that I’d have to live with my decisions, so I’d better learn to make them. Now, though, that I’m mostly grown up, they offer advice all the time, especially when I don’t want it!
    Parents are funny people, aren’t they?

  4. Your Mothers sounds great.

    Too bad about the bruises. Keep the eyes open my friend.


  5. Interesting observation of your mother and her duties as a parent. Eerily similar to what my father said (and did) with me.

  6. I have to say this one lost me more than most, but I hope things improve for you soon.

  7. Jess you really sound like you are having a tough time of it all. I hope you are able to sort things out.

  8. Making mistakes and having regrets are both part of life. I think that’s OK as long as we don’t dwell on them and we learn from them. Having a great support group like you have is a big big plus, and for that, I’m glad for you.

  9. I love this line, I may have to steal it. Would you mind? ūüôā

    “My Mother realized long ago that the best way to catch a butterfly is to not chase it at all, but to remain so still that it landed on your shoulder.”

  10. Couldn’t have been said better. You have more grace than I think even you realize.

  11. I think that is a great definition of mother…

    I just realized the comment I left you on MySpace might sound wrong I just mean, yes I am a snob but I do own it, so I give myself some credit on that at least ūüėČ

  12. i made my dad go bald. my brother made him get old.

  13. i escaped from the lab where i was created. they are still looking for me.

  14. i love this post. perfect analogy and great definition.


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