Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | August 13, 2006

imbalance squared

One glance around the place will tell you exactly how the weekend went.

A novel and magazine are tell tale signs of a low key Friday night, running shoes turned upside down are evidence of a twelve mile run Saturday morning, a pair of three inch stilettos start the trail of clothing from the front door to my room, and empty grocery bags are a reminder of a trip to The Farmers Market with “Favorite Ex-Boyfriend” this morning. However, the room show’s no signs of dancing until the 3:00 am, ignoring an old fling at the club who once told me, “I think you’re smarter than me. Want to go to the baseball game?” I now refer to him as Six Six because he is that tall and probably can’t count any higher than the sum of 6+6. The room also doesn’t show any signs of seeing my Reagan and the light she lives in now. Nor does it show signs of the high point when I shared lunch today with “Favorite Ex-Boyfriend” and B.F.F. Ronda at a new local hot spot.

There are certain things I rarely discuss on this blog. I try not to discuss specifics of the troubles I’m wading through or those of my loved one’s. I hold those for us, wanting to carry the weight of their problems and not throw them back up at you. They are our burden, not yours.

But, when things really start to get crazy, when bad medical things start happening to people I love, things I can’t prevent, when it’s a deterioration I’ve watched over the course of a year, I realize that Trouble doesn’t hide. Apparently Trouble can come to nice places too; it travels, visits, and makes house calls. Trouble draws connections between family and a best friend leading both to have an indifference with hormone balances, causing you to worry, allowing Helpless to take over.

I try to imagine me as them. One knows nothing other than the life of caution she lives while the other lives a life of constant change and a fear of neurosurgery. Before she showed for lunch today and asked for the third time where the restaurant was, I said to him, “If anything ever happened to her, I’d melt.” He responded with a quick, “I know” and a silly joke. An hour later when he was gone and a moment was left for the two of us I asked a question I knew the answer to, “Are you nervous about the surgery?”

Maybe that’s where the weekend glance comes full circle…cause they live in my heart and nervous or not….Truth and Trouble always leave a mark.

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Responses

  1. But sometimes, though not often, the mark isn’t such but rather something that makes us who we are and the recieving enhances us, makes us better than we were…

    …pity this doesn’t happen all the time.

  2. It sounds like you have a lot going on the rest well come about in time.

  3. i saw Peace and Serenity the other day. i’ll send them your way.

  4. Sounds like a mixed bag of emotions weekend.

    Glad to see you’re still running your heart out. Take care!

  5. Well, they say you can’t run away from your problems…but perhaps a good run would help clear your mind a bit? Worth a try. Can’t hurt right? (unless you run in those stilettos of course)

  6. As always you are in my thoughts… i hope that things get better. I am glad that you have this outlet.

    Scott

  7. Good luck with things and best wishes.

  8. Sounds kind of roller-coastery for you. I hope everything is ok.

  9. good luck with everything…writing can be great therapy and catharsis, as you know.

    i have to give you props though…12 miles…you are fierce, girl.

  10. Well-written, Sass. And 12 miles, very impressive.


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