Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | November 1, 2006

when you have love to give…there is never a question.

My sister waited until I came home for Christmas that year to find out if her second child was going to be a boy or a girl. She waited for me to arrive, delaying the ultrasound. She waited until I could accompany her and her husband. By default, he’s my best friend too. Learning the sex of their first child was an easy decision, plans needed to be made and colors chosen for their home The second baby’s sex needed to be known, but not until family arrived. The morning of, December 21st, transformed the four of us… I was four, she was seven, he was the prince we read of and Karenna was the unknown. Once again, we ran the runway of JFK airport waiting to see the baby…waiting to meet our miracle. 1984 brought us our baby sister direct from Korea. 2004 brought us unanswered questions as we sat in the hospital room waiting for the ultrasound reading my sister said to the doctor, “We thought we were at 23 weeks, I think we are at 21 weeks.” Dr. Cesari looked at the chart, reread the measurements, scanned my sister and her husband saying, “That helps,” then turned on her heel and walked out the door. She, my sister, clawed her husbands arm while he hugged hers tighter. Their eye’s met in a storm of questions grasping for answers. Bodies melting into a sea of what does that mean. He folded into the sheets surrounding her hips. Her sweater melted into him. A moment later she looked at me in a “DO SOMETHING MANNER” I looked to the ground feeling the Earth move beneath me. I wanted to faint. I waned to die. I wanted to take this from them. I had nothing. I looked away clutching the counter tighter for fear I would fall. “That’s how I felt. I can’t imagine what they were feeling,” I’ve told one or two close friends. Yet I stood still with all six of our eyes locked in questions.

The Doctor, a female, walked back into the room. ( Background: Our mother is a nurse. My sister’s PHD from UPENN is in Health Communications and I work in Medical Sales) “Don’t you ever do that do someone again. You left the room for fifteen minutes and kept us in fright,”My sister began to rail into the Physician for her lack of professionalism. I sat back, let her go because she was right. My brother-in law (B.F.F) stayed silent not knowing how to take the news. The silver spoon was swiped from his mouth. He questioned the stale taste. I listened. We all sat dry in a sea of dreams of unanswered tests about meeting with a geneticist and ruling out trisomy 18, 16 and 21. We ruled out she would not be born with Downs……with we ruled in a whole bunch of questions. ..

To be continued when i can write this without crying and not wanting to call my sister.


  1. and now we are the ones left in fright.

  2. Whoa. That doctor just pissed me off. Totally uncalled for.

    I’m waiting for the next post with hope.

  3. Anytime I think I have problems, all I ever need to do is read something like this and everything gets put right into perspective. When I forget how to be grateful for what I have, I can always be thankful for what I’ve been spared.

    I hope you get a lot of donations for your run. Any organization that can help families in situations like this, where “something” is wrong, but no one knows quite what it is, is worth donating money to.


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