Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | November 3, 2006

the deep end

The last few days have played themselves out in a lazy, warm way.  There has been a lot of hanging out, a little bit of Asshole playing, a fair amount of Kitty battling – these are predictable routes that bring shape and meaning to my nest of the world. 


Lately, I’ve been feeling speedy and slightly out of control, wondering how much my friends are supporting me and how much I have done for them.   I’ve learned, they have either done this before or are naturals.  We have unspoken agreements not to talk about something when life is wrong.  We blade in humor cajoling it forward avoiding detection while problems fall and tears land on shoulders.  When nothing is left to be said all noise echoes through wine. In the silence we tune ourselves to the problems at hand and when the world has been to much we kick it up a notch. Lately, I’ve been feeling as though I’ve been exploring places more slyly and intimately.  Through their eyes.  This city has always been a giant impersonal thing – a powerful factory unconcerned with my particular place or pace. Yet the past few weeks – for the first time since the circus clown job I’ve felt faster than it – like I could chart a course and glimpse secrets that were hidden, prescreen the people I’m involved with knowing my friends would do it for me.  Before this feeling gets out of control and my head stops buzzing with inertia I’m telling my friends thank-you.  Maybe this world is beatable after all.  One UFC fight at a time.  Cause let’s face it, once you’ve watched blood gushing from a man’s head while Kim is screaming, “Yaaay Yay.  Get em,” in a New Orleans drawl, the world can be pretty darn violent. at least my friends are doing it with a smile and telling me, “whatevah yeh want.”


All my love,


Jessica

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