Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | November 29, 2006

open dialogue to Chad of Nickelback

My Dearest Chad,
I really like the song Rock Star however, we need to discuss a few items. Let’s go over the lyrics.
/

I’m through with standing in line
To clubs we’ll never get in

It’s like the bottom of the ninth
And I’m never gonna win
I feel your pain, I’m an Astros fan.
This life hasn’t turned out
Quite the way I want it to be
\
A freakin HEM!
\ (Tell me what you want) I want a brand new house
On an episode of Cribs
Just one? I want ten houses on five episodes of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
What’s with all the baseball references? Like you never score a home run Buddy
And a king size tub big enough
For ten plus me
/
That’s illegal in 48 states
/(So what you need?)
I’ll need a credit card that’s got no limit
And for the bill to disappear each month too.
/
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet
/
Guess you’ve never flown SouthWest, that would be impossible but, I like where you’re headed.
/
I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
/
And a fiddle, life is more fun with a fiddle
/My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and
James Dean is fine for me
Cher? Not touching that one, it’s to easy.
/
(So how you gonna do it?)
I’m gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I’d even cut my hair and change my name
Cut the hair. Cut the hair. [Chorus:]
‘Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
/
Drive? I want a driver.
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We’ll all stay skinny ’cause we just won’t eat
/
Drugs were soooo 80’s and early 90’s.
/
And we’ll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger’s
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair
/
Um, yeah, this is Texas.
/Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
/
A true gentleman.
/
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free
(I’ll have the quesadilla, uh huh)
/
I totally take back the last comment.
/
I’m gonna dress my ass
With the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
Blow my money for me
/
Pick Me. Pick Me.
/
(So how you gonna do it?)
I’m gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I’d even cut my hair and change my name
/
Chad, dahling – you want to take my name? That’s so Metro of you.
[Chorus]
/

And we’ll hide out in the private roomsWith the latest dictionary and today’s who’s who

/
Dictionary+Us magazine? Not a Mensa moment.
/
They’ll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody’s got a drug dealer on speed dial
/
Enough with the drugs already.
/
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
I’m gonna sing those songs
That offend the censors
/
The Funniest interview I’ve read of you was when you stated, “My Mom’s been proud of me since I was selling pot. I was always on time and accountable.”
/
Gonna pop my pills from a pez dispenser
I’ll get washed-up singers writing all my songs
Lip sync em every night so I don’t get ’em wrong
[Chorus]
And we’ll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today’s who’s who
They’ll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody’s got a drug dealer on speed dial

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

Me too, My Friend, me too.
“All is well”

Advertisements

Responses

  1. tequila!

    I hate to admit it, but I love that song. Kills me. A modern version of “Lifes Been Good”–another fave of mine.

  2. That’s a pretty cool album, overall, really.

  3. ah sass, you kill me.

  4. Hey Jess! Somehow my bloglines account lost your link; must have something to do with you switching sites I guess. Glad to see you’re still around and I’ll make sure you don’t disappear again!

  5. are you back in houston yet? i’m feeling the need for mimosas…or something…

  6. My anti-spam word is “hotstuff”, how appropriate, Cuz I think you are pretty enough to already be a rock star hot stuff ;).


Categories