Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | December 26, 2006


I’m at a loss of where to begin with this life I have contrived, having allowed people to walk out the door and slammed it in their face the moment they turned around to tell me they forgot their coat.

 “Be a man. Don’t just disappear on her,” I shut the car door and walked ten paces; unlocking the gate to the house.  Years earlier I had sent an email to him that involved phrases like, “it’s time to move on”, and “another time in our lives” at the time it had derailed him perpetuating a loss of 15lbs.  The great wonder of the breakup diet.  Last night, he reminded me, “Do you remember you broke up with me in an email?”  Through shattered emotions I said, “No. Yes. I don’t. I did. Didn’t I?,” after a five second pause I  recalled how cold I had been years earlier.  I shuttered thinking how the present me is shocked at the things the former me has done.  Snapping back into the present, “John, I did it regardless.  Indeed, I was a pussy about it and broke up with you in an email but now you’re trying to disappear on her. We’ve already had this discussion and you know how I feel about what you should do. You think by not acting, by disappearing… you think she will understand.  You think by not saying anything she will know that it’s over when in fact in the end all that does is make her think less of you.”

He swallowed hard and for the first time in years I saw him play vulnerable.  His throat was to dry to speak.  In that one sentence I stole his manhood with purpose and continued, “John,  we’re females and emotional by nature.   She’s waiting for you to say something back.  She sent you a package, you don’t send a message like that unless you want something in return.”

“Yeah but it was so impersonal.”

“It doesn’t matter. It was still a message.”

“After six months she can’t even spell my last name.”

“She spelled it right on the first letter she sent to you,” at this point I stopped myself realizing this conversation played into one Jodi and I have been discussing for weeks now.  It’s simple really.  Girl meets boy. Boy likes girl. Girl likes boy. Boy says stuff. Girl pulls back with apprehension, Boy moves in closer and Girl lets herself half fall for Boy.  Boy disappears without a call, text or email.  Girl wonders what happened and analyzes everything.  Boy moves on. Girl moves on. Both question everything. Ahhh, The Great Houdini Act. Without  cause or reason Adult Boy feels he can’t say to Adult Girl, “Hey, I’ve found another avenue to travel.”  Simple as it seems., men, may not be MEN. And women, as smart as we are, may not be that smart after all.

Snapping back to reality I noticed how he fixated on the hurt in my eyes, “ I asked you two weeks ago if your sister was dating someone and then one day he just up and vanished cause he couldn’t handle the confrontation of breaking up…you interrupted me and told me he needs to be a man and tell her it’s over.

“In that case, yeah, we’re talking about my sister.”

As I locked the gate I said, “That’s the thing John. We’re talking about somebody’s sister and 00ughter. Grow a pair already.”

****Update***he pulled the plug



  1. Well, on the one hand, good. On the other, it’s too bad that it went that way.

    Funny thing about that drift away and just stop returning phone calls thing. It happens to men, too. At least, it’s certainly happened to me more than once. Mostly, though, I’ve gotten used to it. After it happens a certain number of times, over a lifetime, I think we learn to just shrug and walk away.

  2. Ah, that classic story to the classic time in our life where, as my best friend and I put it, we revert back to spastic 12 year-olds.

    Good points you made, and necessary ones too.

  3. Dear Sass, the best to you in ’07. I hope it’s a breakthrough for both of us in our own way. Sappy but, good things come to those who wait.



  4. Wow, and just before New Years.

  5. Sometimes a good, hard swift kick to the nuts is all a man needs to straighten out. Sometimes love hurts, but it may not have to with a sister like you in her corner.

    Of course I don’t encourage of condone kicking ME in the nuts, but hey, if I deserve it, then so be it.

  6. i got knocked down. i got right back up and walked away…haven’t looked back yet.

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