Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | January 8, 2007

not like yesterday is today

If you listen to enough infomercials you start to believe some of the crazy things.  Brazilian honey can be used as leg wax and, if diluted enough, can double as hair dye, sharpened Ginzu knives cut through metal with the strength of a four year olds chop, that the power of positive thinking can work like a pair of wings to get you where you need to be.  And thanks to a little bout of insomnia and way to many doses of telling myself to, “cut that shit out, thinking like that won’t get you anywhere,” I decided to force myself what it would be like if this year I really could start over.  I’ve never been one to make New Years Resolutions. Who makes those outside of talk shows telling us the “goals” we should apply in the coming year?  In my book, goals and self improvement are a constant.  I’ve never been one to stay stagnant in life, love, or a career. If something isn’t going well I work at it, work some more, and when change doesn’t happen, when I’m not growing and there is no check mate or even playing fields in sight, I tend to drop things with little care allowing stress to creep like a rubber spider found in a cereal box.  And when the dreaded question is unabashedly asked about New Years Resolutions, I negate to answer and quickly change the topic.  N.Y.R. are pointless.

Change is a constant. If I wake up tomorrow and decide I don’t like hummus, I will stop eating hummus.  If I set a deadline you can bet your bottom dollar I will burn the midnight oil trying to get it done or completely blow it off.  If I am to set a specific date stating, “I’m beginning a diet Monday,” one can set their watch knowing that by 10:00 a.m. I’ve already downed a Snickers bar.  I don’t believe in deadlines, resolutions or personal displeasure.  My own Brother is, “going to quit smoking Monday,” every Monday of the year.  If I have a problem, I deal with it as it rises and try to put it out before the issue surfaces.  I’ve been doing just that over the last few weeks.  Last week I whined to my roommate, “I thought someone was following me around then I realized it was my ass.”  The holiday bulge and carb loading was taking a toll. The moment of self-pity surfaced, the switch was flipped and I stopped eating carbs.   The pounds are slowly vanishing, I love Rock n’ Republic jeans….for their stretching purposes alone.

This year I haven’t done a recap of 2006, if not only because I was an emotional wreck.  I hit emotional highs, said good-bye to people I believed were friends only to be honest w/myself…I was the friend, they were the co-dependant or I was the co-dependant and they were the friend,  I quit a job, began a new job, was broken up with,  broke up with uh..,  left to wonder what happened when he disappeared, ran a marathon, spent many fun nights with friends, fought with siblings, saw the sunrise twice, told someone outside of family I love you twice, changed outfits more than 20 times in one night….and let’s not even discuss how many pairs of shoes I still managed to buy.

As I enter 2007 I have to think it will be better cause if this is as good as it gets, I’m kind of going to miss it

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Responses

  1. Sometimes those tough years kind of just happen. We call that 2005 in my book. And yeah, it’s tough to make a firm resolution arbitrarily, but change for the better does come, although it can sometimes take forever to be noticed.

  2. change is constant, so very true. if you are not willing to change and change happily and enjoy changing, you will not grow. i have never believed in new years resolutions either.

  3. You’d really stop eating hummus? Like, for real?

  4. i cant stand hummus

  5. I agree, Jess… if the best years were then, then I wish I could go back & appreciate them more. If I hear one more person say “Life is what you make it,” I’m going to let the inner redneck out. I KNOW that already, I just don’t have the energy to make it any better right now…

  6. 2 for 365? I hope that was a metaphor.

  7. The years seem to slip by now for me. I too wonder if this is as good as it will get. I know you had a hard year, you can read it between the lines. I hope 2007 does bring new joys and a nice ass ;).

  8. I agree. I am the same way. I am ever changing, ever evolving and never knowing eactly what tomorrow will teach/bring me.

    I think it’s an awesome way to live.

  9. I too have gone through some BIG life changes this past year so I completely relate to this post. Here’s something I put up on my site a few days ago that sums it up for me:
    “…After I put up my last post I got to thinking about that fact that for me, 2007 is about taking chances and living a little. I pulled this off my “Manager’s Motivational Moment” shelf and dusted it off:

    To Live
    Author Unknown
    There once was a very
    cautious man,
    Who never laughed or cried,

    He never cared, he never dared,

    He never dreamed or tried.

    And when on day he
    passed away,

    His insurance was denied.

    For since he never really lived,
    They claimed he never died.


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