Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | March 13, 2007

we never know

It is strange, suddenly having a memory come back out of nowhere.  You think you’re going crazy; you wonder where this recollection has been hiding all your life.  You try to push it away, because you think you’ve hammered out the whole timeline of your life.  But then, you see that one extra moment when time slipped by leaving you but a trace of what happened and suddenly you are breaking apart   There are so many things I want to say, there are so many things I don’t remember.  There’s no one else I would rather talk to than you. Alas, I can’t.  You and I are not on speaking terms. The night I left your words hurt like stepping on a land mine. I boarded a plane, you called, I ignored and bit upper lip.  

 I found this poem and thought of you just yesterday.  An email from you was in my inbox. With out reading it, I hit delete.  

We never know what life has in store for us.  What’s around the next bend.  Or what will go well or what will fall through.  Time ticks away and we all have a choice.  To wring our hands or pick ourselves up and say ‘Next’.  We can look from the bottomside up or the top side down.  We can groan with despair or we can grow in spite of fear.  We can close down life or we can open life up.  We can angrily curse life for poorly treating us or we can be grateful for what we do have and whose we are.  We can begin loving those around us – regardless, whenever, whatever.  We can say to life ‘Thank you’ for it means we have another day.  We can reach out for help who is always there and never stumbles.  We can believe a promise until it become reality.  We can learn how to smile and walk in the light.  We can enjoy those around us.  For this we do know.  We are all someone’s joy, for that is why we are here.

I miss you Dad.

  

 

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Responses

  1. i didn’t realize you still hadn’t talked to him…and i would have never been able to hit delete without reading…

    sigh…i miss you

  2. Aw shit. That was depressing. I hope he or you or both will do whatever needs done by whoever it needs done by to repair the situation.


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