Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | April 30, 2007

on forgiveness

Forgiveness is something you can choose to consciously do, but only if you’re truly ready to forgive. Saying you forgive, but not really forgiving is not helpful. There is most definitely such a thing as true forgiveness, regardless of what you are forgiving.

My experience with forgiveness has been tumultuous.  When she kissed my boyfriend I forgave her but she never forgave me for not understanding a mistake.  After 6 months of not speaking to my Father I realized not talking to him was hurting me more than talking to him.  The last few weeks I’ve been at a place where this issue haunts me tremendously perhaps, due to several friends taking ill recently.  I’m at a point in my life  knowing that if I am to move on and live for today the past was a barricade around my heart.  I decided I am going to have to completely forgive for past deeds. My choice (in my mind) was to run the risk of  never talking again (not something I really want to do) or forgive completely.
I chose the latter.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you condone the acts you’re forgiving. I think that’s where people get messed up with this. You can know what was wrong, and still forgive. It doesn’t mean you forget either. You simply take all the hurt and everything that happened, and crumple it up in a ball and let it go.

It’s extremely freeing, you don’t even need to tell the other person anything about the forgiveness because the fact of the matter is you will begin to treat them differently because you will no longer be thinking of or bringing up all the past misdeeds. You have forgiven them and now have a clean slate to work with.

When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free. – Catherine Ponder

“In this life. . . we are unable to forget whatever remains unforgiven. So, if we won’t let go of some pain – whose time has now past – then who is to blame for the weight of this burden still being carried on our back?” Guy Finley



  1. I think you’ll find that by forgiving, you will feel ‘lighter’ as if a big weight has been lifted from you. I had similar issues and chose the same path as you. Forgive. You know, after a while, all that baggage begins to weigh you down. I think you did the right thing.

    PS How was the show? Go see Alternative Routes nextg. Same place. May 19th, I think 🙂

  2. That is way to logical I think I tend not to forgive as a way not to forget, so it doesn’t happen again. But in your case, I think I understand.

  3. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me!

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