Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | May 14, 2007

one way to enter a room – 50 ways to leave it

Paul Simon says there are fifty way to leave your lover. There are at least fifty ways to leave a dull party, the office, a bad date, sporting event, and a state of mind. What about temporary? How does one admit they really have moved from fad to classic?There are many ways to state closure. So long, farewell, good riddance, goodbye, adios, adieu, later, till then. ”Farewell”  holds a wish for the other person to travel on under favorable conditions and wishes for them to stay clear of danger. “Adieu” literally means “To God” as if the person saying goodbye leaves the other one in God’s care. “Goodbye” with “good” meaning pleasure and “bye”  meaning purchase, so buy yourself something nice. Fine. I’m fibbing on the last one. Exits and partings are often the subjects of novels, poems, plays, and songs because we are constantly faced with how to leave one stage while venturing into the next.  There is a level of uncertainty and a feeling of thinking if I don’t walk  a straight line…if I faulter the slightest inch I will fall off the tight rope and into The Nothing.  How does one leave one stage and transition to the next?  How does one gather transitional confidence? Usually transition occurs alone. The lucky ones experience are able to walk through transition with friends. Walking through the door of Adulthood and beating down the proverbial Disney fairy tales together we learn there are no endings or exit strategies. Change is inevitable. I’ll never admit to standing still or moving backwards. I’ve missed people before they were gone and cried in the shower while he slept on the couch before he left. I was scared and pushed him away, and then we failed. I once missed a friend while she sat across the table as we clinked glasses. It would never be the same, maybe it was jealousy, rage, or no friend at all yet I missed her and said goodbye. Yesterday was freeing in a way.  Shared moments are never going to mean the same, the discrepancy can be huge. I’ve always known I assign more meaning to my relationships then I should once you’re in my heart, I can’t let go or be mad. I love and loved you for a reason, friend or foe. Sometimes saying goodbye occurs like a car veering off a cliff. One is left wondering what just happened and how will I ever get along with out their guidance? It was a crash, boom, bang, a moment of dizzy that leaves you looking for the rewind button. It’s like not being able to find a piece of jewelry you wear every day or waking up and realizing the tattoo on your ankle you’ve known since college has disappeared. The vices you’ve invested in and lock boxes where secrets are stored will remain locked in their present location. Fine. I’m. Fine. Really.I’ve often wondered what life would be like had I been born to another family, I come up short with nothing, it’s not possible. I can’t imagine what life would be like if certain people weren’t in my life. Ronda and I have never fought. Isn’t that weird? My best friends from high school and I have a ten minute tiff before we say goodbye. Dr. Phil would say it’s because we love one another and are frustrated because we can’t always be there. Fine.Saturday afternoon Ronda text messaged: “U really don’t know how much it meant 2 have you there last night. To Never Ending.”I always will, however I can. To Never Ending.To her, them, and you I say farewell, adieu, and till tomorrow never ending.  

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Responses

  1. I’d bye the goodbye definition. Makes perfect sense to me.


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