Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | May 31, 2007

like it’s a chore

I

I haven’t been writing the way I did a year ago; when my life was in control and I felt like it was dirt under my fingernail.  Time plays tricks like that….sometimes you don’t realize how well your life is going until the seam rips and you’re left trying to sew the pieces back together. 

The last few months have brought change, some of it wanted and some….I could have done with out.  None the less, I’m starting to feel like the oldest trick in the book.  “Do what you love and you will succeed,” my Father told me a few months ago.  He makes it sound so easy when the truth is, it wasn’t easy for him and I have a tendancy of making it harder for myself.

 

“You want me to do it how?”

“This is the way it’s done.”

“Yeah.  Right. Let me show how I’m gonna do it.”

 

Months ago, I wrote an entry about reinventing myself:

 

All I have to do now is reinvent myself: not like I haven’t done it before, many times. It’s true I wasn’t expecting to have to get this machinery out of the attic again, the self-reinvention machinery, and dust it off and oil its joints — aggressively low tech, that’s me — but it’s all still there. It’ll still work.

That’s what’s supposed to have happened. Maybe when I turned the old machine on again I put the key in the wrong little hole. Because I’m still the same gal  The point being that at the moment I haven’t got a life to write, not so much about, but from. Sure, I can tell you about the hilarious conversations I have on a daily basis or the amnesia filled nights but it’s all very disconcerting. I have split seconds or sometimes whole half days when the fog seems about to coalesce into perhaps some suggestion of a shape — for example this morning before I left to come here, I found my biggest decision was to be if I should wear a white top or a blue top, which shoes would be the most comfortable and what I was going to have for lunch.  FASCINATING I KNOW.

To Be continued…..

Advertisements

Responses

  1. so…what did you decide.

    But seriously, I have been there. See my recent dry spells.

  2. Like cheryl said, I think we’ve all been there. You’ve definitely had some
    major bumps in the road but give yourself credit for persevering.
    You know what? I don’t know when, but someday it’ll just hit you
    and you’ll say to yourself, “I can do this.” At that point, life
    will take on a whole new outlook for you. Promise. 🙂

  3. P.S. It’s 4:24 here. You’re clock is broken.

  4. This was to be continued right? Push push ;).

  5. Maybe it’s just a quarter life crisis?


Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: