Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | July 10, 2007

how to pick up a lady

Over a month ago I went to New Orleans for a good friends wedding.  Sunday morning I took an early morning shower, threw my hair in a pony tail, took myself to brunch at the hotel and waited for my friends to wake up prior to going to the airport.  My friend Eric waited with me while I checked in (we were leaving from the same airport but on different airlines).  Bad weather was swimming above Houston delaying our departure. After an hour of waiting Eric had to depart and board his plane.  Twenty minutes later I boarded mine and sat on the run way.  We sat and sat. I texted.   Courtney was coming back from Vegas and was in the same predicament.  Evening plans were decided,


Court: “Weekend debriefing at my house 7:30. Bring wine.”

J: “Pinot on hand. See you then. I’m taking off.”


7:30 pm


Because I have a key to Courtney’s house I was already there upon her arrival.  We danced around sharing stories, laughing, drinking wine and laughing some more.

10 pm.

Court: “Let’s go to Esco!”

I was tipsy and still ramped up from the weekend, “No, my hair is in a pony tail and I’m wearing a tub top and sneakers.”

Court: “I will give you shoes we wear the same size.”

J: “I don’t even have makeup on.”

Courtney as she was walking up the stairs, “Come. Let’s go play with make up.”

Conveniently I borrowed Courtney’s make up and made the best of the hung over mess I already was from the weekend. We arrived at Esco (a popular dance bar on Sunday’s) as the place began to fill up. Immediately, she went for the bar and I went for the dance floor.  Hubba Hubba was all I could think after seeing two taller than 6’4” guys standing close to a part ion.  Tipsy, single and ready to mingle I saddled closer to them and began conversation.  We talked, yelled actually over the music. Yet again, keep in mind, I had two bottles of wine in me and the boys weren’t being responsive enough so I left them alone to stand by them selves. In my tipsy head all I could think was, “well f-them – who else is here?”

As more people filled the bar I lost track of Courtney.  The night grew later while I grew tired.  Around 1:30 am I found Rolis (a good older Euro friend of ours) who was dancing with 15 or so girls in his VIP area.

J: “Rolis, I lost Courtney can you have the limo take me home?”

Rolis: “Of course. Can you wait 20 minutes till I leave?”

J: “Sure!”

While I stood there tipsy and waiting he, one of the 6’4”ers from earlier,  approached.

T: “Hey, you tried talking to me earlier but I was distracted and you walked away.”

J:  “Well, you weren’t being responsive.”

T: “I was distracted because you came up during a serious conversation with me and my friend.”

J: “And?”

T: “It looks like you lost your friend. Can I give you cab money home or a ride home. What do you need?”

J: “Okay, I don’t know if that was your shtick or not but it just worked.”


Gentlemen, take note – the best way to pick up a lady.  


  1. Ignore her and then offer her money or a ride home? Brilliant. No wonder why I have such terrible luck.

  2. That’s the best way to pick up a lady? Hell I would have paid full attention to you the moment you slid up and started making conversation! Go figure 🙂

  3. Hey Croaker,

    It’s all in the game. Who are we kidding? It IS a game.

    And 2 days later he left for Iraq. Just my luck!

  4. You know what Red, I keep forgotting that! I hope you sent him of to war properly ;). Actually it is probably safer for your heart if you didn’t :).

  5. Oh i wanted to “do it for our country” but this guy is super good looking and was leaving the country so to protect my heart, mind and well being i did not.

    Damn that conscience!

  6. So you’re saying to pick up a lady we should try being nice to her? Who woulda thunk.

  7. Will that is a good thing, usually our conscience waits till after the act to remind us we shouldn’t have done it!

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