Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | September 11, 2007

home is the place you can never escape, even in a nightmare

Last Friday I laid on the massage table feeling pressure at the base of my neck.  A release had taken place of what had been a pinched nerve when I wondered, “Is it possible to burst from excitement?” Suddenly I pictured my face exploding into a million different pieces pelting the masseuse.  “What a mess your neck is,” she’d say “have you been carrying a coal mine around with you?”  And she’d continue to carry on as she did pre face explosion.  After weeks of feeling like an implosion of said face could occur a feeling of explosion was duly noted, paid for and signed off on by all powers that be.

 Plan one: Insert one very bestest guy friends in town for business and to catch up with old friends. The night provided good conversation and friends of the know what’s best for you type and call you out when you are wrong.  A new learned group discussion of what a Denizen is,  riding in a rickshaw pulled by a vespa and ending with a chuckle at Marie as she told the cabby she had a gun and would kick him in the head if he f’d with us.  Ahhhh God Bless Texas and the kick ass ladies 

 Visit South Carolina – Home is the place you can never escape even in a nightmare.  Thanks to Tiffany and Shelley home is a dream.


Tiffany:  “He’s my best friend.”

Jess:         “Then what does that make us? Chopped Liver?”

Shelley:    “Yeah, really.”

Tiff:           “Oh shut up, you’re my sisters.”

Shell         “Yeah, we’re family now – we can’t escape one another.”


We’re 30 years of age now and have been friends since we were 16 which is one year shy of half our lives.  Tiffany and Shell have been friends since they were eleven. 


In high school we passed the same simple audition of failing to care to fit in anywhere else but in the hearts and minds of one another.  By the hair of our chinny chin chin we “got through” high school together even though we didn’t do anything but sit around, drink coffee, work, smoke cigarettes, point and laugh at people  and listen to Beck, Tori Amos, and NIN.  We’ve grown past those days and realized that acting in such a way would provide no real future but we could have a better past then the one we had mangled. Somewhere along the way we’ve managed to grow up, leave a mark on the world and always come back to our friendship.  That’s the stuff you write home about wherever that is at the time we’re always together.


“You have salad dressing in your hair again.”


“Your foot is in the cheese.”


Shell: How could you consider being friends with her after what she did?”

Caustically I replied, “I don’t know. I’m to nice.”

Shelley nearly spits out her drink, “You are NOT nice. You are friendly.”

Laughing Tiffany interjects, “Whoever told you that was lying.”


“The cheap whore in the green dress is ready.”


Tiff:  “I’ve never seen you talk about a guy like this.”

Shell:  “Yeah, normally you keep guys as pets.”


“One little monkey jumping on the bed.”


“What you need is man liner,” (Shelley’s boyfriend was such a good sport)


“We named the armadillo Jim.”


Jess:  “I really like him with her.”

Tiff:   “He gets her and he’s been really good to her.”


The weekend ended precisely the way it ought to have.  One bar reserved for Shelley’s friend who dressed up like Courtney Love, meeting the Blues Brothers and seeing their rendition of LL Cool J’s  I’m Gonna Knock You Out and ending with three very tipsy redhead’s lip-synching  Baby Got Back to a crowd of 25 people.


And yeah – this Baby’s got so much back she can’t wait to come back for Christmas.   


The only thing missing was not being able to see Dalton. If Chase, Shelley’s son, was any cuter he would explode in the same manner my face would.  And Shell and Tiff – I am sooooo getting them both the t-shirt that says “My Aunt is Hot”


**Pictures to come as soon as Shelley sends them



  1. i’m glad i’m not the only one that thinks you should dump that dirty whore…ha ha

  2. Um, it’s cute and all, but why did you name the armadillo after me?

    (Oh, this is Network Geek aka Ryumaou aka Jim, btw)

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