Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | January 26, 2009

CVR of USAIR 1549


 

 

SIC: “Number two’s gone, boss.” 

Sully: “I know it! What do I look like, an R-22 pilot? Just shut the
f*cker down, boy. Oh, and tell Departure that we need to come back in and
land. F*cking birds…”

SIC: “Sheesh, somebody got up on the wrong side of his throne this morning.
You don’t have to insult me just because I got my commercial helicopter
rating in the mighty Robinson. Oh, and by the way, sir, we’re not climbing,
if you even care. Maybe your decision to take on that extra 5,000 pounds of
fuel wasn’t so hot, Captain.”

Sully: “One more comment like that and I’ll make sure the union keeps you
in RJ’s for the rest of your miserable, short career.”

<Bang!>

Sully: “SON OF A BITCH!”

SIC: “Number one’s failing, boss.”

Sully: “I can see that! Am I a-f*cking-sleep? Can I not read the gauges?
Am I not flying the plane here?”

SIC: “I’m just sayin’…”

Sully: “Goddamn Canadians, sending their f*cking geese down here every
winter. Why, if I ever *see* another Canadian I’m gonna punch him right in
the throat. I *HATE* Canadians.”

SIC: “Everybody does, boss. Think we can make Teterboro or straight-in to
22 at Newark?”

Sully: “Yeah, probably. But f*ck Teterboro! Let’s go to Newark. I’ve
flown out of Teterboro. Short damn runways…always a crosswind. And their
FBO’s suck. I’d rather land in the Hudson f*cking river than land at
Teterboro. Hey….”

SIC: “You’re not…”

Sully: “Why not? Maybe we can take out some sailboats with some prick
Canadian snowbirds.”

SIC: “You ever land on the water before?”

Sully: “Plenty of times! I got my seaplane rating back in 1946. I think it
was in a…Piper…somethingoranother, I forget. Never mind. It’ll all
come back to me. Pull out the Before Water Landing checklist and run it.”

SIC: (flipping through the stack of checklists) “Can’t seem to find one for
that.”

Sully: “Fooled ya! HAH! There ain’t one! Just get on the horn and tell
the people to put their heads between their legs and kiss…no wait, that
won’t sound good on on the CVR tape…make it, ‘brace for collision’…no
wait, make it ‘brace for impact.’ Yeah, that’s better. No wait! Tell them
that out the left side of the plane they can see the Intrepid Museum, and
that if they’d like to visit it, they’ll be able to, this afternoon, like,
in about twenty minutes. Oh, and ring the stews and have them bring me a
rum and coke. If I’m gonna do this, I need a good stiff drink. And have
that one with the big tits bring it up. If I’m gonna die, I wanna die drunk
and with a boner.”

SIC: “Like your grandfather did?”

Sully: “This is no time to make jokes, son. I would really appreciate it
if you’d try to take this situation seriously. I’m fairly certain that my
grandfather did not die with a boner. I mean, have you ever met my
grandmother?”

SIC: “You know, if you pull this off CNN will be calling you the Hero Pilot
of the Year.”

Sully: “F*ck CNN. Liberal bastards. All I care about is what the
fair-and-balanced Fox News will call me. I hope Fox News calls me a hero!”

SIC: (sighing) “They probably will too. Nobody will remember *my* name.
It’ll be ‘Sully this’…and, ‘Sully that.’ ‘Captain Sully, the big f*cking
hero.’ Like you are the only f*cking one in the cockpit.”

Sully: “You’re quite bitter. You really are a helicopter pilot at heart,
aren’t you? You know, some pilots wait their whole career to be called a
hero. I mean, Christ, I’ve only got two years to go to retirement. That
was close!”

SIC: “We’re not down yet, Captain Skygod.”

Sully: “I know, this thing glides pretty well, huh? Dammit, no sailboats.
Oh well, let’s see if we can buzz one of those damn sightseeing helicopters.
What’s best-glide/engines out?”

SIC: “Beats the shit outta me.”

Sully: “Vref?”

SIC: “F*ck if I know.”

Sully: “Britney Spears‘ birthday?”

SIC: “December 2, 1981.”

Sully: “Well, I’m glad you know SOMETHING! Just gimme full flaps…”

[END OF RECORDING]

 

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Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | January 25, 2009

just for fun


Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | December 23, 2008

interview with a flight attendant – ME!


Hometown: Moorestown, New Jersey

Base? Houston, Texas

Last flight? Grand Junction, Colorado (the weather in Aspen wouldn’t allow us to land there) to Houston

Galley or Aisle? Aisle, much more entertaining but I prefer the bench next to the galley in the back of a GulfStream

First class, business class, or coach? I throw a mental hissy fit when I fly commercial or a company wants to “airline me home” so it’s a first class thank-you for the upgrade.

Widebody or Narrow-body?
I like the narrow bodies and prefer Gulfstreams over Challengers or Falcon’s.

Favorite airplane?
G450, A320 and Global Express until the G650 comes out that is

Regular Route? 
Yeah, right that’s not even a question outside of I’m sick of beaches. 

Dream Trip?
I’m probably supposed to say something totally girly like Paris but it’s over rated and if we’re going to dream then dream BIG or go home. Sailing around the Greek Isles, watching the sunset in Majorca Spain, shopping in London and a turn on the Eye

Nightmare Trip? 
Jeddah, anywhere Saudi Arabia as I had the WORST NIGHTMARISH EXPERIENCE there. However, that’s where the money is right now and the hypnosis helped so I’ll probably be going back soon.

Craziest thing that ever happened on a trip? 
A certain hip hop star’s bodyguard attempted to lock me in the bathroom with him.

What exactly is in your roll aboard?
Crew Manual, Macbook, adapters, nail polish, a night shirt, digital camera, pens, tags, sun glasses, sewing kit, shout wipes, tissues, tape and safety pins. 

And the tote bag?
I don’t have a tote bag but use my K.C. computer bag and jam everything in there from clothes to my MacBook

Any packing tips/tricks? 
Inside your cargo suitcase, I suggest any traveler to print a list of essentials NOT TO FORGET, so before closing your suitcase you know what you’ve missed out on. Also rolling, zipping and buttoning up your clothes reduces their size and creates more space

Nicest Airport? Duh, Philadelphia! I kid, I kid. I like the shopping in the Atlanta Airport and love the options at the Geneva Airport; France to the right and Switzerland to the left. However, Philadelphia does have a great wine bar as does the Dallas airport.

Worst Airport? 
New Delhi – when the monsoons hit it’s down right paralizing. During one trip Dave and I were in our car when the driver kept getting out. We realized everyone parks their car and puts it in neutral so people can push the car out of the way…India is a comedy routine. And Jeddah, Saudi Arabia why on earth would you park a triple seven (777) 300 miles away from the terminal with 380 passengers to board and walk out on the tarmac while private planes “special flights” are allowed to park right next door. We almost ran over a few Saudi’s.

Favorite Airport restaurant? 
I haven’t found one, anyone have a suggestion? While I was eating at a sports bar type restaurant in Atlanta on a Sunday afternoon earlier this month three guys walked up behind me to check the score of the football game on the screen above me. One of them looked down at me eating by my lonesome and said, “A salad, a beer and tabasco? That’s a first.” I turned around and responded, “Hey I have to get my carbs SOMEHOW.” I then had three new dinner companions. As much as I complain about HAVING to fly commercial I sure do love the randomness of airports.

Any traveling snacks? 
Usually a few grapefruits, tic tacs and a sugar-free red bull.

Hotel away from home?
I always know i’ve been working to much when I click my heels and say there’s no place like home then wind up in a Marriott.

Best layover city?
London and Dubai. The Dubai airport should have it’s own zip code.

Favorite in-flight announcement?
The 20 minute long arabic announcement post take off that describes our IFE, it’s like watching a midget running a marathon.

Book / Magazine last read on the jumpseat? 
Puddles and In Style.

Most annoying passenger question? 
It’s usually from a child jumping around and asking what the emergency door is for, “it’s the door to a science experiment to see if you can bounce,” has crossed my mind.

Ever hook up with a passenger?
I really like my paycheck and doing so would not be lady like behavior. Passengers are off limits regardless of what happens in the movies or when bodyguards tell me, “if someone is attacking you start taking off your clothes.”

Another flight attendant?
Are you new? Seriously? What type of question is that? I’m not in college anymore buddy. 

Finish the following sentences:

Before I was a flight attendant, I… used to worked long days in healthcare informatics (Healthcare I.t.) sales, was constantly exhausted, a complete party girl and not happy. 

When I’m not flying, I… divide my time between working out, reading/writing, spending time with friends, shopping, gambling…I mean dating, blogging and catching up on what I’ve missed out on while i’ve been gone.

I can’t fly without my… my sunglasses, breath mints, a lint roller and sense of humor.

On my last flight… from London to Dallas my passenger kept popping sleeping pills and I watched his son make snow angels in Canada while we were refueling.

Once a passenger… had me laughing in stitches because she really is just as sweet and cute on t.v. as she is in real life. Love that South Jersey girl.

Why do pilots… deem it necessary to pick on the flight attendant. While flying from Miami to Manchester I opened a can of Sprite Zero which exploded. After i cleaned it up I sat in the jump seat and said, “Now, I’m cold and wet.” The pilots turned around and said, “Can you say that again and do you know any accents?”

If I could be anywhere in the world, I’d….. be in Lucerne Switzerland again zip lining, hiking and sitting in a quaint cafe on the lake at dinner.

When it comes to traveling, If people knew….what really goes on in a cock pit no one would fly.

Why do passengers…I’ve got nothing on this one, people are generally odd.

If I had to pick one flight attendant pet peeve, it’d have to be… calling me “darling” or “honey”, that’s not my name! 

Any advice for travelers? Whether you are flying commercial or private the crew is just as annoyed with delays and all the other nuances that go along with travel. Go easy on us and don’t take it out on us – balancing on heels while ascending thousands of feet isn’t easy and makes it worse when pax are using displaced aggression.

Next flight? 
Grand Cayman again, I’m tired of beaches.

Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | December 14, 2008

side note to the aft


Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | December 6, 2008

India –


 

Date: Tue., 13 May 2008 18:43:33 -0700

From: j77henry@yahoo.com

Subject: monsoon season

the pilots told me once monsoon season hits there will probably be weeks  where power will be out and all telecommunication will be down and i won’t be able to get in contact with anyone.   I’m getting an Indian Phone upon returning to Mumbai, so I’m told.   I’ll be turning my U.S. phone off and will only be paying enough to keep the number.  It will be $.015 to text message from the U.S. for you all.  If you have skype on your computer you can call me U.S. to india for 2 cents a minute.  Unfortunately if I try to call from India it’s about $1.50 a minute and paying those type of bills is not why I signed on to this project. 

 

Freaking fabulous right?

 

I was talking to a guy at the hotel bar last night (How many of my stories start with …at the hotel bar last night?) we were discussing Mother Teresa’s mission and the church in downtown Kolcutta (Calcutta).  By the way Mom and Dad, I’m in Kolcutta right now.  We flew here with Shah Ru Khan and a few of his cricket players.  Speaking of cricket, I will never again claim baseball to be the most boring sport as cricket rightfully has trumped it. Kolcutta is stricken with poverty as is the entire country.  India has a beautiful sense of peace and sadness, however the poverty is pain staking.  These people have no liberties even though it is considered to be the largest democratic nation in the world.  We fly the corrupt Indian ministers and see the money change hands on the plane.  The very thought turns my stomach.  The class division is unabashedly noticable.  People have no place to live by the masses; they live on the side of the street, kids run around sans parents begging for anything a stranger will offer.  Toddlers roam in and out of traffic under the burning Indian sun without shoes.  More than once, I’ve turned to Dave, the pilot from Cali, and said, “this is breaking my heart,” then broke down in tears as he ushered me into a cab.  These people have nothing and don’t even know what the rest of the world has.  Instead of staying home and watching the television in the evening as we do in the States they wander the streets and tend to their cows roaming the alley in traffic worse than Manhattan, Dallas and Chicago combined.  

 

I can’t seem to stomach any of the food here, and have completely lost my appetite. I don’t know if it’s truly psychological or due to the poverty I’m seeing.  Literally, we pass homeless three year olds and people who have legs smaller than my wrists.  (Mom/Dad – I’m going to need you to send me soup or something because I’ve already lost ten pounds and still go to the gym on a daily basis- the Nicole Richie look is so 1993).  The pilots are giving me a hard time about not eating, I feel so sorry for these people and give my food to them and then walk in to my five star hotel. You get the picture… it’s heart wrenching. 

 

I’ve never seen filth and disgust like this. 

 

Calcutta is cleaner than Bombay(Mumbai) – we have drivers everywhere we go. there are no traffic laws.  Yesterday, on the way to the airport we made a turn which in the states would have been considered a one way street.  **I’ve been to Mexico City where a city bus deliberately crosses eight lanes of traffic without warning and cuts cars off at 60 mph however, when we turned into on coming traffic and clipped a few cars I nearly lost the bile in my stomach and said more than a few expletives.  The pilots just shrugged and said, “Eh! You’ll get used to it.”

 

I’m flying a rich family who owns half of India and all their Bollywood friends who own the other half.  We have trips planned to Africa, Geneva, France and Bangkok but while I’m in India – my heart can’t help to leak (i blame my parents). I’ve talked to the front desk at our hotel about going to some mission churches to volunteer.  In return, they have tried to talk me out of it as I will be putting myself in danger.  I’m really sick and tired of people referring to me as “Miss Henry” simply because I’m at a five star hotel.  These type of hotels are extremely accommodating, I’m such a tomboy and find it annoying, “Thank-you but I can handle it.”  In other words, back the fuck off I’ve got it. 

 

  I’m asking you all to think about the people in this world who have nothing more than the clothes on their back.  I’m asking you to step outside of your daily life and do something completely random for someone else.  Maybe they know you are doing it on purpose and maybe not.  I’m asking you to give up something to help someone who doesn’t have the goods you do.  Even if it’s collecting the travel goods in a hotel bathroom and donating them to a shelter.  I don’t care if you do it in your religions name.  Just do it.  We truly are blessed and take advantage of everything we have in the U.S.  Do good in the world SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU CAN!!! 

 

I’m stepping down from the stoop now. 

All my love,

Jess

 

Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | November 6, 2008

no words


 

It was a brief moment in time and one I’m sure she will forget but one I revert back to almost daily.

After kissing and hugging both nephews to a near dry spell Carlin, my sister, put Kai to bed while Fadi, the best brother in-law, put Reed to bed and I laid  silently next to Karenna in her Princess room with her snuggled against me.   I listened to my sister and Fadi creeping down the stairs; waiting for Karenna to fall asleep.

Deep breathing….

“Okay, she’s asleep,” thinking to myself as I scooted across the bed.  A tiny hand reached across my chest. “Hmmm…she’s not asleep,” I thought as my heart leapt and split in two.  Minutes later I waited…and waited.

And waited

Now I was the one counting sheep.

Whhhhhhooooougggghhhhhh

Finally deep shallow breathing. I began inching to the edge of the bed in what felt more like centimeters careful to not wake the sleeping dragon when an arm reached across me.  Crap! I’m caught. Suddenly a rush swept over me as though once again I had been caught sneaking out of the house in a… “I forgot something in my car,” verbal denial.

“Aunt Jessie! I have to wait till YOU fall asleep.”

Stomaching an internal chuckle, “No Karenna I have to wait till you fall asleep.”

“No, till you fall asleep,” she responded with the ease of a bachelor at a bar.

Twenty minutes later I snuck out, watched Iron Man with my sister and her husband then recounted how earlier in the day I  told Karenna, “I only want kids if they are exactly like you.”

Carlin looked up at me chuckling, “I know, Fadi and I joke if all of our kids were like Karenna everything would be rainbows and butterflies all the time.”

We both laughed knowing family isn’t always like that…family and friendships are tough. They take work…hard work. 

The past few days have been emotional for me in a way only Ronda knows.

It’s bound to happen every once in a while, a break down that is.  A call to a friend who knows me all to well was long over due, I allowed myself to be weak, she doesn’t always know what to say but is always there;  bottling things up isn’t healthy (i’m slowly learning) and the gal can always make me make fun of myself in between tears and gurgling laughter. “I don’t mean to be so emotional but it’s almost been two years,” I said recounting to Ronda.

 The next day I woke knowing I’ve said everything I can, I’ve tried, done it all and time…I’m sorry but it doesn’t always heal the past; it only makes things more distant.

**this has nothing to do with dating .. by the way.

Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | November 1, 2008

captivated by shackles


“This is better than being at the zoo,” I told the pilot while peeping out the baggage door, “Ooooh look there’s a second one.”
 
“It’s divine justice that they are getting on a little flyer. I just can’t believe they charter a plane to haul these guys off,” the pilot responded from the cabin of the Gulfstream. 
 
Standing up and walking to a more civilized location I yanked my head out of the obvious sightseeing hole and sat down on the bench, “Now we know how they are transported.”
 
Cutting me off the pilot said, “and it’s better than flying them commercial.”
 
The men were shackled wrist to wrist and ankle to ankle walking like ducks to the plane at Sugarland Airport. I sat captivated like a young boy watching porn for the first time.  After all, i had already embarrassed myself while walking to the bathroom, smiled at one of them then noticed the handcuffs and the U.S. Marshall sitting next to him.
 
ahem.
 
The day got better with the fire alarm going off in the hotel at 2:30 am.  The other pilot and I both opened our hotel doors, saw each other and said, “I’m going back to bed.”
Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | September 29, 2008

in a minute


Hi, remember me? I know i’ve been away a long time and I have missed out on a lot. I’ve missed a baby shower, a birth, a move, sale at neiman’s, an adoption of a new nephew, birthdays..I could continue but i’ll stop.

I’ll start reappearing again soon. 

 I’ve needed time to digest all that’s happened.  I’ve needed time to ignore people’s comments and deal with last months events.  I’ve needed to time to know when to walk out a room when someone has said an innocent comment that sent chills down my spine.

 I’ve needed therapy and hypnosis.  I’ve needed a lot of space. I’ve needed to learn how to get through what I was forced to watch. I’ve needed to learn what it’s like to watch a murder and how to deal with my nightmares\.

And I’ve needed a lot of my close friends, then pushed them away because I don’t know how to deal with a lot of what i need.   I’ve needed a lot but not wanted to need nothing minus a new Chloe handbag

I’m learning here so be patient.

Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | September 27, 2008

paul


I just woke to sad news. 

I’ve always loved Paul Neuman even though I can’t admit I’ve ever sat through one of his movies.  By default, I probably have because he had a cameo. 

He’s just passed away and it makes me sad and happy for him because this was a man who actually LIVED.  He helped those less privledged and never strayed from his wife.  When asked about cheating he told Playboy, “Why go out for a burger when I have STEAK at home?”

Read all you want about his film career and then research everything he’s done for ill children.  This man was a gift and he will be missed.

Posted by: canaryinacoalmine | September 12, 2008

the only way i know how


I’m bracing, hunkered down and don’t feel like facing the world right now. Hurricane IKE is fast approaching bringing much needed rain that will pound against my window like an angry ex-boyfriend (and hopefully not steal a key like the last one).  Accompanying the rain will be it’s awesome side kick of wind. If the pattern holds to form it will begin smacking me in the face tomorrow morning on a run reminding me that A) life has thrown some incredible punches B) I’ve witnessed the human spirit at it’s worst C) I held Baby Jet last week and understood life’s beauty  D) I’m still shaken even though I try to be of sound mind and body. 

 

I have a hundred and one stories from the last six weeks crowding my brain; each with their own personality trying to etch out an existence before fleeting.  It’s like a psychiatric ward sans medication up there lately.

 

There’s one in particular I’m trying bit by bit to forget and going through mind numbing meetings to forget however, when I lay my head down to sleep visions of days gone by hurl at me like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum.

 

For now, Ike continues to approach and will undoubtedly leave lasting scars with no excuse as to a how or why…sometimes life just is.

 

I’ve learned it’s not what happens to you but how you CHOOSE to deal with it nor is it WHAT you do but HOW you do it.

 

One day soon, I’ll get to writing the article my mother wants me to for xyz and face it…but right now…I’m okay with not forcing it on myself. Right now, I’m okay with just getting through it and dealing with life in the way I do. 

Right now, I’m doing just fine.

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